Hot Moves (1984) Cardinal Entertainment/Comedy RT: 85 minutes Rated R (strong sexual content, full frontal nudity, language, thematic elements) Director: Jim Sotos Screenplay: Larry Anderson and Peter Foldy Music: Louis Forestieri Cinematography: Eugene Shlugleit Release date: October 4, 1984 (US) Cast: Michael Zorek, Adam Silbar, Jeff Fishman, Johnny Timko, Jill Schoelen, Deborah Richter, Monique Gabrielle, Tami Holbrook, Gayle Gannes, Heather Ling, Clark Jarrett, Kerry Noonan, Roger Rose, David Christopher, Virgil Frye. Box Office: $2.7M (US)
Rating: ***
Despite its title, Hot Moves is NOT a breakdancing musical. No, it falls into another staple 80s genre, the horny teenager comedy. If you don’t know what I mean, here are a few examples: Joysticks, Screwballs, Private School, Gettin’ It On!, Goin’ All The Way, Zapped!, Homework, Spring Break, Fraternity Vacation, Joy of Sex, My Tutor, Private Lessons and the Porky’s trilogy. Surely you’ve heard of some of these. Hot Moves doesn’t really bring anything new to the table. It’s more of the same with its stock characters and familiar situations. HOWEVER, it has an edge over other teen sex movies with the presence of the lovely Jill Schoelen.
The plot, of course, is a total no-brainer. At the start of summer break, four high school boys make a pact to lose their virginity before starting their senior year. They are Barry (Zorek, Private School), Joey (Fishman, The Karate Kid), Scotty (Timko, Weird Science) and Michael (Silbar, How I Got into College) who’s going through a rough patch with his girlfriend Julie Ann (Schoelen, The Stepfather). He’s frustrated because he can’t convince her to have sex with him. She can’t make him understand that she wants their relationship to be about more than sex. They decide to see other people over the summer. Their story provides moments of respite from scenes of the guys trying and failing to get laid in a variety of amusing ways.
Hot Moves wastes no time on trivialities like character development. The closest it comes to that is in the Michael-Julie Ann storyline and even then, it’s rather superficial. He’s the “decent guy” of the bunch and she’s the “good girl”. The rest of the guys are your basic run-of-the-mill horndogs, especially Barry, the smarmy fat guy who serves as the group’s leader. He’s the one with all the big ideas like stealing his father’s expensive telescope to peep at women on a nude beach without being seen. BTW, the fate of said expensive telescope is never in question.
Much of Hot Moves chronicles the guys’ misadventures in their quest for carnal pleasure. Barry comes this close to scoring with the teddy bear-obsessed waitress (Gannes, The Prey) at their favorite hangout, the local bowling alley. ‘Tis a knocked-over candle that douses their flame prematurely. Joey tries without success to employ the services of every hooker on Hollywood Blvd. They either charge too much or turn him down flat. Scotty almost gets lucky with an attractive older woman on his paper route, but she turns out not to be a “she”. Michael gets his shot at glory with an older woman (Richter, Midnight Madness) introduced to him by his superstud older brother (Rose, Ski Patrol). She’s super-hot and wants to get into his pants.
The guys’ exploits include a visit to the nude beach where they watch a bunch of au natural girls run and frolic. You see everything! Plus, their slo-mo entrance is heralded by a variation on the theme from Chariots of Fire that’s just similar enough to be recognizable yet just different enough to avoid a copyright infringement lawsuit from the composer. There’s also a trip to a sex shop where the guys try to purchase condoms from the sleazy owner (Frye, Revenge of the Ninja). I think that just about covers the highlights of Hot Moves.
One thing I find truly fascinating about Hot Moves is the second-unit photography documenting the Venice Beach culture of the early 80s (it was filmed in ’83). Director Jim Sotos (Sweet Sixteen) fills the movie’s downtime with shots of breakdancers, muscle-bound weightlifters, BMX bikers, skateboarders, roller skaters in neon spandex outfits, street musicians and other performers. Of course, there’s plenty of cheesy 80s rock and dance music by bands like Velvet, Raven and Supergroove. If nothing else, Hot Moves perfectly encapsulates a time when it was okay for teen boys to be “on the make”.
Although the acting is generally pretty bad, I must single out Jill Schoelen as the best of the lot. She transcends the sleazy premise with her endearing performance as the “good girl” not ready to take such a big step. As you all must know, I’m a big fan of the oft-overlooked actress that also appeared in D.C. Cab, That Was Then… This Is Now, Curse II: The Bite, The Phantom of the Opera, Popcorn and Rich Girl. I just love her. She’s both talented and beautiful; I especially love her smile. She’s great as Julie Ann, the type of girl any guy with any sense at all would want as a girlfriend. Michael’s forsaking of her in favor a girl that puts out makes him a gigantic horse’s ass. He doesn’t realize what he has until it’s nearly too late. Thankfully, he figures it out and learns a valuable lesson about priorities in a relationship. That’s the way it always goes in movies like this, isn’t it? In any event, Schoelen’s involvement in Hot Moves sets it apart from other teen sex comedies.
If I’m being honest, Zorek doesn’t do too bad a job as Barry, the kind of guy that openly admits his less-than-wholesome plans for the summer to a teacher on the last day of school. And he wonders why he has a hard time getting laid. He makes his compadres look absolutely innocuous by comparison. Zorek is actually one of the better young actors to emerge from the teen sex subgenre of the early 80s.
It would be fair to call Hot Moves a guilty pleasure of mine even though I didn’t see it until I was well past my teens. I don’t remember it playing in theaters in my neck of the woods. I’d have surely been all over it opening weekend. I NEVER missed a horny teenager movie when I was a horny teenager. It’s the kind of movie I would have watched over and over on late night cable TV for the same reasons as all red-blooded American teen boys of the 80s. It’s a dirty movie with lots of nudity and hot babes! Richter is a total fox. Sotos gives her plenty of opportunities to strut her stuff, especially her derriere, for the camera. The female cast also includes Penthouse Pet Monique Gabrielle (Bachelor Party) as a shy girl with a secret wild side.
There aren’t any surprises in Hot Moves. Everything goes down exactly as you would expect. The production values are as cheap as the humor. Jokes about dildos, cross-dressers and premature ejaculation aren’t exactly highbrow. Well, nobody ever said Hot Moves was a Bergman film. With a title like that, it’s anything but. To his credit, Sotos consistently maintains the summer drive-in/late night cable TV vibe. I can say with absolute certainty that it’s the likely inspiration for the first American Pie movie. The two plots are almost identical. I like that Hot Moves never pretends to be anything other than a cheap teen sex comedy although it shows a bit of heart with the Michael-Julie Ann romance angle. It adds a dash of sweet to the sleaze. Any way you look at it, you pretty much know what you’re in for with Hot Moves. It may not be quality cinema, but it’s pretty good trash.
