Dracula’s Dog (aka Zoltan: Hound of Dracula) (1978) Crown International/Horror RT: 90 minutes Rated R (violence, scary moments) Director: Albert Band Screenplay: Frank Ray Perilli Music: Andrew Belling Cinematography: Bruce Logan Release date: June 1978 (US) Cast: Michael Pataki, Reggie Nalder, Jose Ferrer, Jan Shutan, Libby Chase, John Levin, Arlene Martel, Cleo Harrington, Simmy Bow, JoJo D’Amore. Box Office: N/A
Rating: *
In retrospect, as a dog lover, I probably shouldn’t have watched a movie called Dracula’s Dog. On the other hand, as a bad movie lover, I’m not about to pass up such a gloriously terrible title. As it turns out, it’s the best thing about the movie.
Personally, I don’t enjoy the sight of animals being tortured or killed which is why I’ve only seen a couple of the infamous Faces of Death movies. In Dracula’s Dog, Zoltan the vampire dog turns a couple of his fellow canines into four-legged bloodsuckers with wagging tails. This means that, invariably, they will all end up with stakes through their hearts. I may be a gorehound, but even we have standards and cruelty to animals crosses that line.
Aside from that, Dracula’s Dog really isn’t all that good a movie, not even by the low standards of bad exploitation flicks. Directed by Albert Band (Ghoulies II), best known as the producer of such low budget fare as Metalstorm (1983), Troll (1986) and TerrorVision (1986), it starts out fine but goes downhill fairly quickly. Once the action relocates from a remote Russian village to L.A., it kind of sputters and stalls. It commits the cardinal sin of becoming boring. Dumb, I can handle. Boring and dumb, that’s another story.
Like I said, things start out okay as what looks like WWII soldiers uncover the Dracula family crypt. One poor guy is left to guard the place which can only spell trouble for him. Sure enough, a sudden earthquake hits and shakes loose a coffin which contains the body of ….. that’s right, Dracula’s dog. He sees the body has a stake through the heart and stupidly pulls it out. Revived from his 200-year nap, Zoltan makes short work of the guard then opens another coffin that was shaken loose. It contains the body of his master, an innkeeper named Veidt Smith (Nalder, Dracula Sucks). In what can only be described as a variation of fetch, he pulls the stake from his master’s chest and revives him.
The thing about Veidt is that he’s sort of a vampire. He can walk in daylight and doesn’t crave human blood. What the pair needs is a new master, somebody from the Dracula clan. There’s only one surviving descendant and he lives in L.A. under the name Michael Drake (Pataki, Halloween 4) with his wife and two kids. So, Veidt and his faithful mutt jump on a ship to the US with Inspector Branco (Ferrer, Dune) in hot pursuit. Dr. Drake (he’s a psychologist) is taking his family on a two-week camping trip with their two dogs and a litter of puppies. Naturally, Veidt follows them and sics his evil dog on them in an attempt to turn Drake into a vampire. I think you can probably see where this is all going.
Dracula’s Dog sounds a lot more fun than it really is. I know I shouldn’t expect too much from a movie by that name, but I would hope it would at least be somewhat compelling in the way the best bad movies are. Even Ferrer doesn’t breathe much life into it. However, it does leave me with many questions. For one, why does everybody insist that Dr. Drake is the last surviving descendant of Count Dracula? What about his children? Aren’t they at least half-Dracula? Doesn’t that count? How about this? Why do the opening scenes appear to take place around WWII while the scenes in California take place in present day 1978? In one scene, Drake’s daughter is looking for a lost puppy when she encounters Veidt standing next to his car, a black hearse. Doesn’t she know about “stranger danger”? She asks the creepy-looking guy if he’s seen her puppy. Gee, why doesn’t she just ask for a ride in his hearse and a piece of candy while she’s at it? The dude looks like something out of a horror movie; you don’t ask him for help!
Thinking about it, Dracula’s Dog is somewhat laughable. But that’s only in hindsight. It’s not that funny while you’re watching it. Actually, it’s not so much watching as it is enduring. I don’t find the sight of a dead puppy entertaining, I find it upsetting. And that’s my Achilles Heel. I love dogs too much to enjoy something like Dracula’s Dog. You know that Zoltan will attack a lot of innocent dogs and they’ll all have to die. Not my cup of tea! On the upside, at least I can now brag that I watched/endured a movie called Dracula’s Dog. By the way, wouldn’t that title look cool on a marquee? Aside from that, this exploitation flick is literally a dog.
