Destroyer (1988)    TMS Pictures/Horror    RT: 94 minutes    Rated R (graphic violence, full frontal nudity, language)    Director: Robert Kirk    Screenplay: Peter Garrity, Rex Hauck and Mark W. Rosenbaum    Music: Patrick O’Hearn    Cinematography: Chuy Elizondo    Release date: April 1988 (US)    Cast: Deborah Foreman, Clayton Rohner, Lyle Alzado, Anthony Perkins, Tobias Andersen, Lannie Garrett, Jim Turner, Pat Mahoney, David Kristin, Vanessa Townsell.    Box Office: N/A

Rating: ½*

 So you thought The Horror Show and Shocker were the only “executed killer returns from dead” horror movies of 1989? Well, they were. BUT what many fail to acknowledge is that they were both preceded by Destroyer the year before. Some may say that the 1988 shocker (pun TOTALLY intended!) is simply forgotten; I say it goes unmentioned because it’s just plain rotten. It could have been a really cool flick especially with hulking NFL star Lyle Alzado as the killer, but it’s the opposite. It’s bad for a lot of reasons which I’ll go into in a bit, but its main failing is that it doesn’t make a lick of sense. Let me put it this way. It makes The Horror Show look like a Hammer classic. That, by the way, means it’s truly heinous.

 Alzado stars as Ivan Moser, a serial killer about to die in the electric chair for the rape, torture and murder of 23 men, women and children. It’s not exactly clear how or why, but Moser survives and escapes in the midst of a riot that causes the prison to be shut down for good.

 Eighteen months later, a film crew shows up to film a trashy WIP flick called Death House Dolls. The writer David Harris (Rohner, Just One of the Guys) goes public with his findings on the cause of the riot that claimed the lives of 13 guards and 37 inmates. He blames it on corruption on the part of the warden (Mahoney, Strangeland). David’s girlfriend Susan Malone (Foreman, Valley Girl) is the stunt double for the movie’s difficult star Sharon Fox (Garrett, Kiss and Be Killed) who constantly tries the patience of the director played by Anthony Perkins (Psycho I-IV) who replaced Roddy McDowall at the last minute. The cast and crew don’t realize it until it’s too late, but they’re not alone in the old prison. Good old Ivan is still lurking about, half dead and totally crazed, upping his body count.

 Although I first saw Destroyer on cable TV, I vividly remember the poster hanging in my usual video store haunts. It featured Alzado wielding a jackhammer which I naturally assumed would be his character’s weapon of choice throughout the movie. FACT, he only kills one victim that way. It’s the only time Destroyer caught my interest. At best, it’s a brain dead slog through familiar territory. Look, I don’t mind a familiar scenario as long as the writer does something interesting with it. This one has THREE writers and it’s still boring. If this is the best they could come up with between them, they really ought to think about a career in anything other than writing. The screenplay is incredibly half-assed with plot holes big enough for an entire football team to charge through. For example, how does Ivan survive a 3000-volt shock? Is it supernatural, genetic or what? Also, it doesn’t seem to faze anybody that a violent serial killer is still unaccounted for nearly two years later. There’s no mention of a manhunt occurring at any time. The locals appear more concerned with the big spooky old prison building than a very large man capable of tearing people limb from limb. And what about the lockdown that occurs about midway through? This aspect of the story is either dropped or forgotten because the cast and crew have no problem leaving to go to lunch a few scenes later.

 I’m especially disappointed they didn’t do something more with Alzado’s character. Look at the guy, he’s a brute! He could literally tear his victims limb from limb if he wanted to. The writers really short-change Alzado by not giving him much to work with. Ivan is obsessed with a game show hostess for a reason revealed later. Like everything else, it’s not developed beyond the level of random plot point. It doesn’t further the plot any. In addition to all else, the script is lazy. It gives us character types rather than characters and pointless scenes of the making of the movie-within-a-movie. The pacing is deadly; I almost dozed off a few times.

 The best thing I can say about the acting is that Alzado at least tries with his twisted facial expressions and maniacal laughter. Had Ivan Moser been better developed, maybe there’d be franchise potential. Who knows? Foreman and Rohner, who also worked together on the 1986 slasher flick April Fool’s Day, are positively wasted. Foreman, so delightful in Valley Girl, seems to know the material is substandard and responds with a blank page performance. Rohner puts a little more into his role to no avail. There’s precious little an actor can do when the script fails them. Perkins just looks like he’s there to collect a paycheck.

 There are a few okay kill scenes in Destroyer. The warden gets fried in a bathroom stall with a flamethrower. Don’t ask why there’s a flamethrower in a prison. Maybe it was a means of controlling a riot, I really don’t know. There’s a shot of a bloody decapitated head on a copying machine. Somebody gets electrocuted. I already mentioned the death by jackhammer. At the very least, director Robert Kirk (his sole feature film effort) could’ve made Destroyer a total bloodbath. That would have been something. Instead, it’s a great big nothing that underserves its great big star.