Hunk (1987) Crown International/Comedy RT: 102 minutes Rated PG (some language) Director: Lawrence Bassoff Screenplay: Lawrence Bassoff Music: David Kurtz Cinematography: Bryan England Release date: March 6, 1987 (US) Cast: John Allen Nelson, Steve Levitt, Rebeccah Bush, Robert Norse, Avery Schreiber, Deborah Shelton, James Coco, Cynthia Szigeti, Hilary Shepard, Melanie Vincz, Page Mosely, Doug Shanklin, J. Jay Saunders. Box Office: $1.7M (US)
Rating: * ½
Actor James Coco died about a week before Hunk was released. He’s the lucky one. He didn’t have to live with the shame of being part of this awful comedy that stinks even by the low, LOW standards of its mother studio, Crown International (Weekend Pass, Tomboy). In it, he plays the Devil, a campy piece of work who goes by the moniker “Dr. D”. He’s the temporary owner of the soul of the protagonist, a dorky computer programmer named Bradley Brinkman (Levitt, Last Resort), as part of a deal made in exchange for a better version of himself. Yes, Hunk is basically an 80s version of Faust meaning all literary value is removed and replaced by slapstick and sex jokes. If only it was funny too.
Bradley’s story begins with a wish he makes while trying to come up with a money-making program that will allow him to hold onto his job. When he types that he’d sell his soul for success, the computer magically comes to life and prints out “The Yuppie Program”. Naturally, it becomes hugely popular and makes Bradley a workplace superstar. His boss (70s holdover Schreiber) gives him a large bonus and the entire summer off to come up with another big idea.
Bradley rents a rundown house in Sea Spray, a swanky coastal town that’s playground to the rich and shameless. His plan is to research the yuppie lifestyle to gain a better understanding of it. The problem is the yuppies- rude, arrogant, snobbish a-holes all- don’t like him. They mock him mercilessly. Poor Bradley even gets sand kicked in his face. Instead of gambling a stamp on a free Charles Atlas bodybuilding book, he signs a contract (in blood, of course) with Old Scratch through his emissary O’Brien (Shelton, Body Double), a hot girl only he can see.
When Bradley wakes up the next morning, he’s been transformed into a beefcake god named Hunk Golden (Nelson, Killer Klowns from Outer Space). He’s a perfect specimen of manhood who becomes instantly popular with the other yuppies, especially the ladies. He loves his new lifestyle, but as the summer progresses, he starts to fret about the deal he made; in particular, the part about the Devil owning his soul for eternity. Luckily, there’s a clause in his contract that allows him to reclaim his soul (and old life) if he’s not fully satisfied. He has until midnight Labor Day to decide.
Hunk does exceedingly well with the ladies. He has a lot of sex which, in a PG movie, means a series of shots of beautiful women at his front door. Eventually, his heart belongs to just one. That would be Sunny (Bush, The Men’s Club), the therapist he talks to about his dilemma. Forgetting professional boundaries for a minute, how smart is it to get romantically involved with a possibly delusional, potentially dangerous individual? I guess common sense isn’t a requirement in her field.
I am astonished that Hunk lasted as long as it did it theaters, one full week. Usually a movie this bad would be yanked after five days. I missed it during its theatrical run. (Un)fortunately, I didn’t have to wait long to see it as it made a quick trip to video (early June, I think). Watching it in the comfort of my basement didn’t ease the sting of this painfully unfunny comedy, miscalculated at every turn by writer-director Lawrence Bassoff, the guy behind Weekend Pass. Damned if Hunk doesn’t make the T&A flick look like a comic masterpiece. At least it had T&A. The closest thing in Hunk is girls in bikinis. We do, however get numerous shots of Nelson not wearing a shirt or wearing only briefs. We get it, he’s a hunk, a tanned, chiseled god to be admired like a statue of Atlas. That’s not the only thing he has in common with a statue; they share the same acting abilities. I strongly suspect he was cast for his looks alone.
It’s hard to pinpoint what’s most unfunny about Hunk since almost none of it works. If pressed, I’d have to go with the mean yuppies who give Bradley a hard time from the second they lay eyes on his scrawny body. They’re not characters, they’re exaggerated caricatures. They have names like Alexis Cash, Laurel Springs, Coaster Royce and Skeet Mecklenburger (see Roger Ebert’s “First Law of Funny Names”). They make fun of Bradley’s beat-up junker of a car and his knock-off designer clothes. Skeet, a professional athlete, assaults him under the pretense of teaching him the rules of volleyball (aka “v-ball”). I get that they’re supposed to be horrible people, but Bassoff makes them cartoonishly horrific instead. I was more horrified than amused.
The only aspect of Hunk that doesn’t suck is Coco. Try to forget he was nominated for an Oscar (Best Supporting Actor, Only When I Laugh) only five years earlier. His willingness to camp it up in this stupid movie is admirable. His Dr. D appears sporadically, each time decked out in different historical garb. He likes to revisit the worst events in history to ensure they still happen. He’s the reason for the half-star in the rating I gave this movie.
Make no mistake, Hunk is a bad movie Coco’s presence notwithstanding. At 102 minutes, it’s too long. As I’ve already implied, the acting is terrible. In some cases (e.g. Schreiber’s stereotypical Greek boss), it’s downright embarrassing. And let’s not forget the weird in Hunk. That would be the neighbor Chachka (Szigeti, European Vacation), a nosy, gossipy type who calls herself a “collector” for which the clinical term is “kleptomaniac” in this case. A cross between Lainie Kazan and Wendie Jo Sperber, she’d be more at home on Miami Beach than Yuppie Beach. How is it the yuppies accept her with her loud outfits and costume jewelry, but not Bradley? And despite being introduced as a major character, she largely disappears for the second half.
The only other notable thing about Hunk is one of the background extras being a very young Brad Pitt in his first screen appearance. I’m fairly certain he leaves this one off his resume. Even so, it doesn’t change the fact that Hunk is a sizable hunk of crap.
