In the Army Now (1994) Hollywood/Comedy RT: 91 minutes Rated PG (some war action, mild language, comic sensuality) Director: Daniel Petrie Jr. Screenplay: Ken Kaufman, Stu Krieger, Daniel Petrie Jr., Fax Bahr and Adam Small Music: Robert Folk Cinematography: William Wages Release date: August 12, 1994 (US) Cast: Pauly Shore, Lori Petty, David Alan Grier, Andy Dick, Esai Morales, Lynn Whitfield, Art LaFleur, Fabiana Udenio, Glenn Morshower, Beau Billingslea, Peter Spellos. Box Office: $28.8M (US)
Rating: *
I can’t claim that I was ever a big fan of Pauly Shore, but I sure enjoyed Encino Man and Son in Law a hell of a lot more than In the Army Now, a lame comedy that finds the MTV funnyman enlisting in the Army thinking the Reserves will be a cake walk. “One weekend a month, two weeks a year”, how easy is that? Uh, it’s the Army. Being all you can be takes a bit more effort than you think.
You don’t even have to see In the Army Now to know exactly what it is. It’s a blatant rip-off of Stripes with its story of two slackers looking to improve their lot in life by signing up for the military. Only instead of Bill Murray and Harold Ramis, you get Shore and Andy Dick (NewsRadio) as Bones and Jack, two addle-brained idiots with dreams of opening their own electronics store. All they need is money. Believing the Army Reserves is their best option, they sign up only to learn it’s not easy money. I guess they never heard of basic training.
They make it through basic in only a few minutes of screen time during which Bones goes from being a complete screw-up to a model soldier even earning a promotion to Private First Class. They choose water purification as their field thinking they’ll never be asked to serve if a war breaks out. Wrong again, morons! Along with the two other members of their squad, Christine (Petty, A League of Their Own) and Fred (Grier, Blankman), they find themselves in the middle of a desert war between Chad and Libya. Naturally, the fate of the free world ultimately lies in their hands when they’re the only ones that can complete a mission to blow up a Libyan missile base before it can fire on American bases. Hey, I feel safer just knowing Shore has our country’s back.
I suppose I should give you a brief description of Petty and Grier’s characters. Christine is a tough girl type just waiting for the Army to repeal its sexist “no women in combat” policy. What do you think the chances are that she’ll be kicking ass my movie’s end? Fred is a dental student who gives new meaning to anxiety. He’s afraid of everything. What do you think the chances are he’ll grow a pair by movie’s end? If you’re unsure of the correct answer to either or both questions, it’s my guess you’ve never seen a movie before.
In fairness, In the Army Now is NOT Shore’s worst movie. No, that would be Jury Duty. In the Army Now runs a close second. It’s only saving grace is the half-handful of amusing moments mostly provided by Lynn Whitfield (Doctor Detroit) as the tough drill sergeant who whips Shore’s character into shape. Her exaggerated take on a no-BS military type is good for a few chuckles. Shore’s one shining moment is his reaction to his buzz cut after the Army barber shaves off his trademark long locks. I’m pretty sure it’s not acting either; it must have taken him years to grow his hair like that. They can keep the rest of the movie. It sucks.
Daniel Petrie Jr. (Toy Soldiers) deserves a gold star for trying to work with the mess of a screenplay by five writers based on a story by three others. In the Army Now isn’t a movie; it’s a group project, one that barely deserves to eke by with a D-. If you’ve ever wondered what’s meant by the term filmmaking-by-committee, this is it. It rushes through basic training, the very area where most military-themed comedies mine their laughs. What gags we do get- e.g. throwing the pin and dropping the grenade- are tired and predictable right down to the record number of push-ups Bones is forced to do.
I can envision a meeting with studio execs asking the committee to come up with a military comedy using Stripes as a jumping-off point. Tell the same basic story, but make it preteen friendly for Shore’s fan base. So it is that a visit to a mud-wrestling bar is replaced with a house party that wouldn’t even attract the attention of a sleepy small town sheriff on a Sunday. In toning it down, they’ve made it less funny, much less funny. Shore and Dick are no Murray and Ramis; they’re not even close. Not a single line of comedic dialogue comes anywhere close to one of Murray’s barbs in the classic 1981 comedy. As funny as Whitfield is, the late Warren Oates’ Sgt. Hulka can still blow her off the screen.
I could make many more comparisons between the two movies but I’ll stop at saying In the Army Now isn’t as funny as it thinks it is. It is, however, quite annoying at times. Believe it or not, this isn’t entirely Shore’s doing although his act starts to wear thin here. No, it’s mostly Andy Dick. I can’t stand that guy. He’s not the least bit funny. His character Jack is both an ass and the actor’s surname. The things he says to Petty’s character are grounds for a dishonorable discharge. To borrow a line from 52 Pick-Up, there’s something about Dick that makes me want to slap the s*** out of him.
In being preteen friendly, In the Army Now tends to play it too safe. It’s a war comedy that wants to play nice. The squad’s conflict with a Special Forces meathead (Morales, Bad Boys) is resolved too easily. They get captured by Arab soldiers without being beaten or tortured for vital information. If I wanted a safe military comedy, I’d watch the one with Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis. Nobody wants to see that anymore. In the end, In the Army Now is a dud.
