Masters of the Universe (1987) Cannon/Sci-Fi-Action-Fantasy RT: 106 minutes Rated PG (language, sci-fi/action violence, scary moments) Director: Gary Goddard Screenplay: David Odell Music: Bill Conti Cinematography: Hanania Baer Release date: August 7, 1987 (US) Cast: Dolph Lundgren, Frank Langella, Meg Foster, Billy Barty, Courteney Cox, Robert Duncan McNeill, Jon Cypher, Chelsea Field, James Tolkan, Christina Pickles, Barry Livingston. Box Office: $17.3M (US)
Rating: *** ½
As a general rule, I try to avoid movies based on a line of popular toy lines. More often than not, it’s going to suck. How many of the Transformers movies are any good? Live-action movies based on popular cartoons are just as bad. How many of those have been any good? I can think of only one movie that’s an exception to both, 1987’s Masters of the Universe starring Dolph Lundgren (Rocky IV) as He-Man, the super-strong defender of Castle Grayskull in the magical realm of Eternia. It’s actually pretty good in its own goofball way.
The date August 12, 1987 sticks out in my mind because it’s the day I did a threesome with my then-girlfriend JC. HEY! Get your mind out of the gutter! I mean I took her to see three movies at the local multiplex- Masters of the Universe, Superman IV: The Quest for Peace and Summer School. Nothing says love better than a girl willing to sit through dopey movies with her fellow. I probably would have skipped the first one altogether had it not been a Cannon movie. I had only a passing familiarity with He-Man. I never watched the show or owned any of the toys, but I figured with a studio like Cannon behind it, it had to be worth a look. I enjoyed it immensely and, surprisingly, JC didn’t hate it.
Now for the plot of Masters of the Universe and you better believe it’s silly. Archvillain Skeletor (Langella, Dracula) has seized control of Grayskull where he plans to absorb the powers of the universe with the help of a “Cosmic Key”, an electronic device that uses sound to open portals to any part of the universe. He-Man is only one that can stop him. He’s joined by veteran soldier Man-at-Arms (Cypher, Hill Street Blues), his warrior daughter Teela (Field, The Last Boy Scout) and Gwildor (Barty, Under the Rainbow), the locksmith who built the Cosmic Key. He just happens to have the prototype in his possession.
They sneak into the castle, but are outnumbered by Skeletor’s forces. They escape through a portal opened by Gwildor punching random keys. They’re transported to Earth where they immediately lose the key which ends up in the hands of teen couple Julie (Cox, Friends) and Kevin (McNeill, Star Trek: Voyager). They’re spending their final night together as Julie plans to move away following the deaths of her parents in a plane crash. Thinking it’s a Japanese synthesizer, musician Kevin plays with it which alerts Skeletor’s forces to its location. He dispatches a quartet of mercenaries led by his second-in-command Evil-Lyn (Foster, They Live) to retrieve it. Needless to say, all cosmic hell breaks loose in the small California suburban town.
I have to admit Masters of the Universe is kookily entertaining. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to make heads or tails of it since I didn’t watch the cartoon. By all rights, it should have been a stinker, but it’s not. I’ll concede that the premise is convoluted, but we’re not talking about a plot that doesn’t make sense here. It’s more nonsensical than anything else. For example, how is it that NONE of Julie’s neighbors notice the commotion when the bad guys show up at her house looking for the key? Every suburban block has at least one Gladys Kravitz. And what about the battle at the music store? Where are the police? There’s already one cop, Lubic (Tolkan, Back to the Future), on the scene. Why doesn’t he call for back-up? You’d think that an alien attack warrants a little more attention. This is just a taste of the inherent silliness of Masters of the Universe.
Director Gary Goddard, in his sole feature film effort, keeps things moving along nicely. I just LOVE the cheeseball special effects. They look cheap, but they’re still cooler than CGI. They’re also better than the effects in Superman IV, also a Cannon production. Lundgren, in his first leading role, does a reasonably good job as He-Man even if he struggles to conceal his accent. Why even bother? Schwarzenegger partly built his career on his accent. Physically, Lundgren has the right build to play the muscle-bound swordsman and the fighting skills to back it up. Langella, totally unrecognizable under the Skeletor mask, delivers a delightfully campy performance as the villain who gets to deliver wonky dialogue like “Return with me to Eternia as my slave and save [your friends’] miserable lives or perish with them on this primitive and tasteless planet.” Foster is perfectly cast as an icy villainess; those penetrating blue eyes of hers serve her well. Cox, in her first major role, is suitably spunky as the girl-next-door heroine. She and McNeill make a cute couple. It’s always great to see diminutive Barty and chrome-domed Tolkan.
In the end, Masters of the Universe is good mindless summer movie fun. It contains a lot of dopey dialogue but the award goes to the Sorceress who warns Skeletor “The dark can embrace the light, but never eclipse it.” LOL! What does that even mean? Watching it now reminds me of good times spent at the movies watching such absurdities. It’s a nice mix of flash and trash. It’s campy on the level of Flash Gordon. Movies like Masters of the Universe have an innocence that today’s filmmakers can’t seem to capture. It never fails to put a smile on my face.
