Return to the Blue Lagoon (1991) Columbia/Adventure-Romance RT: 101 minutes Rated PG-13 (nudity, sexual conversation, some violence including an attempted rape) Director: William A. Graham Screenplay: Leslie Stevens Music: Basil Poledouris Cinematography: Robert Steadman Release date: August 2, 1991 (US) Cast: Brian Krause, Milla Jovovich, Lisa Pelikan, Courtney Phillips, Garette Patrick Ratliff, Nana Coburn, Brian Blain, Peter Hehir, Alexander Petersons, John Mann, Wayne Pygram. Box Office: $2.8M (US)
Rating: *
The first sign something is seriously wrong with Return to the Blue Lagoon is in its opening scene. If you remember, at the end of the first movie, the three castaways were found adrift in a boat, alive but sleeping. As the sequel opens, the two teens are dead, but the baby is alive. Right from the word go, the movie cheats and loses any credibility it might have had. Not that The Blue Lagoon was especially credible.
Then there’s the premise, one which I find astonishing in its complete lack of plausibility. The crew names the baby Richard because it’s the only word he can say. He’s placed in the care of Sarah (Pelikan, Lionheart), a missionary returning from a three-year stay in Korea. She has an infant daughter Lilli. I assume Sarah is a widow since she’s dressed in black. There’s an outbreak of cholera on the ship. Sarah and the children are set adrift on a small lifeboat to spare them the pain of such an ugly death. As if dying of sunstroke, dehydration and hunger is any better.
Now comes the real BOHIC (Bend Over, Here It Comes) in Return to the Blue Lagoon. The new castaways land on the exact same island where Richard and Emmeline (the original teen castaways) came of age. Not only that, they manage to locate the same elaborate hut their predecessors lived in. What are the chances of any of this happening? Has anybody taken currents into consideration? I’m sorry, but it’s just way too implausible to accept even in the context of a silly summer fluff movie. In all good conscience, I can’t describe Return to the Blue Lagoon as harmless because it’s hazardous to the viewer’s IQ. It should come with a warning label similar to the one on packs of cigarettes.
ANYWAY, Sarah attempts to raise the children according to the rules of civilized Victorian society. She even manages to fashion eating utensils so they don’t eat with their hands. She educates them from the Bible and warns them to never go to the other side of the island (those pesky savages are still around). Eventually, we get the obligatory scene of Sarah explaining the facts of life to her young charges. She tells them of the changes they will go through as they get older. This way, it won’t come as a surprise when Lilli starts her menstrual cycle and Richard starts feeling those funny urges.
Sarah dies of fever while they’re still young, leaving them to fend for themselves until a ship comes to rescue them. Years pass, the kids grow into moody, impossibly attractive young adults. Lilli (Jovovich, The Fifth Element) no longer wants to play childish games; Richard (Krause, Sleepwalkers) doesn’t understand why. After a trip to the forbidden side of the island, during which Richard is nearly spotted by the savages, he returns to Lilli who’s relieved that he has returned safely. They confess their love for one another and exchange formal marriage vows and rings as well as certain bodily fluids.
So far, Return to the Blue Lagoon feels like a toned-down remake of the original. I guess the director William A. Graham (Where the Lilies Bloom) noticed and had writer Leslie Stevens (Gordy) put a twist on the old story that actually dates back to the original 1949 version with Jean Simmons and Donald Houston. A ship does indeed arrive at the island where Richard welcomes Captain Hillard (Blain, Newsfront) with a firm handshake. For whatever reason, he’s brought his young spoiled daughter Sylvia (Coburn, Home and Away) along with him. Naturally, she stirs up feelings of jealousy in Lilli when she shows an interest in Richard. At the same time, a sleazy crew member makes lewd suggestions to Lilli and eventually tries to rape her.
The big question faced by the teen castaways at the end of Return to the Blue Lagoon is this: Do they remain on the island or return to civilization in San Francisco? Based on what they’ve been through with supposedly civilized people, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out their decision.
Roger Ebert describes an Idiot Plot as one that hinges on every character being a complete idiot. Return to the Blue Lagoon hinges on everybody in the audience being a complete idiot. It makes perfect sense. Who else would believe this fishy tale? I walked out of the pre-release screening slack-jawed, aghast and mildly insulted at its utter stupidity. It almost makes the 1980 movie look like a Bergman film.
If you thought Brooke Shields and Christopher Atkins were terrible, wait until you get a load of Milla Jovovich and Brian Krause. They can’t act at all. They’re so wooden, they’d have been better off playing trees on the tropical island. They’re eye candy, period. They were obviously cast because they looked good together on the poster. I will say that Jovovich and the scenery are both beautiful. Those are the only two things Return to the Blue Lagoon has going for it.
The studio wanted to attract a younger audience to Return to the Blue Lagoon which is why they went for a PG-13 this time. This means the 12-16 demographic doesn’t have to sneak in or get an adult to buy their tickets. Now for the paradox. Anybody over the age of 12 is going to find it incredibly idiotic. I know it’s supposed to be mindless, lightweight summer entertainment, but shouldn’t it at least be a little bit plausible? Its only value might be that of a make-out movie where quality doesn’t matter because the teens are too busy with their dates. This bone-headed sequel, among the most unnecessary ever made, lost me after the first scene. Everything that happens after is anticlimactic. If the first Blue Lagoon was a throwaway flick, Return to the Blue Lagoon is a complete waste.
