Deck the Halls (2006) 20th Century Fox/Comedy RT: 93 minutes Rated PG (language, crude suggestive humor) Director: John Whitesell Screenplay: Matt Corman, Chris Ord and Don Rhymer Music: George S. Clinton Cinematography: Mark Irwin Release date: November 22, 2006 (US) Starring: Matthew Broderick, Danny DeVito, Kristin Davis, Kristin Chenoweth, Alia Shawkat, Dylan Blue, Sabrina Aldridge, Kelly Aldridge, Jorge Garcia, Fred Armisen, Gillian Vigman, Gary Chalk, SuChin Park, Lochlyn Munro, Kal Penn, Cory Monteith. Box Office: $35M (US)
Rating: *
On the upside, Deck the Halls is marginally better than Christmas with the Kranks and Surviving Christmas only because I did laugh a couple of times. It was empty laughter, but laughter nonetheless. Still, it’s yet another crass and cynical holiday-themed comedy that exemplifies (and condones) everything that’s wrong with Christmas. In this instance, two neighbors go to war over who has the most Christmas spirit. Yeah, that’s something to fight over.
I didn’t see Deck the Halls at the movies; in fact, I didn’t see it at all until this past weekend. I probably should have left well enough alone. I watched it right after Christmas with the Kranks and Surviving Christmas which, in retrospect, probably wasn’t one of my better decisions. Never before have I had so strong an urge to watch something positive and genuinely uplifting. Where is A Christmas Story when you need it? I’m even beginning to rethink my position on How the Grinch Stole Christmas (the 2000 movie, not the animated version).
Deck the Halls is full of annoying characters doing annoying things and I, for one, don’t regard that as entertainment. A majority of the jokes fall flat with the possible exception of a sight gag or two. I can’t recall exactly what made me laugh in this movie, but I can tell you about the most uncomfortable scene. It involves the two main characters inadvertently ogling their teenage daughters doing the kind of dance one would expect to see in a sleazy strip club in front of the entire town. Yeah, I’ve always preferred my Christmas spirit served up with a side of tacit incest. Gross! I have no problem with humor in bad taste (I still roar over Bad Santa), but there’s a limit. Thank God Deck the Halls is rated PG, imagine what we would have seen in a PG-13 or R.
Set in the picturesque small town of Cloverdale, local eye doctor Steve Finch (Broderick, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off) is known around town as “the Christmas guy” for his enthusiasm regarding the holiday season. He’s so rigid in his adherence to his beloved family traditions that he sucks all the joy out of the season for his family. He’s so clueless about their misery he doesn’t even realize that his young son Carter (Blue) just wants to spend quality time with his father with a shopping trip to the local mall. Instead, Steve tells the boy that he already ordered a sweater on-line for him to give to his mother. Father of the year? I think not. This guy is a real tool.
The arrival of new neighbor Buddy Hall (DeVito, Ruthless People) is the start of a holiday nightmare for Steve as the obnoxious man becomes a real thorn in his wreath. After learning from his daughters that his house is not visible from space (according to a website called MyEarth), Buddy decides to change that by way of an obscene amount of Christmas lights on the outside of his house. This guy goes all out; he makes Clark Griswold look like the poster child for restraint. Naturally, this annoys Steve to no end (the lights shine directly into his bedroom window, naturally) and he tries everything in his power to pull the plug on his neighbor’s Christmas spirit. It’s especially difficult since Buddy has the support of practically everybody in town. Buddy steals Steve’s thunder at nearly every turn. Christmas revelry becomes Christmas rivalry culminating in yet another predictably (and unbelievable) happy ending for all involved. It’s a Christmas movie, so don’t think of the last sentence as a plot spoiler so much as confirmation of the inevitable.
I did not have a good time watching Deck the Halls. The experience of watching this movie doesn’t even come close to anything remotely resembling a good time. As I write these words, I’m making a mental list of Christmas movies that make for a more pleasurable viewing experience. A Christmas Story, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, Mixed Nuts, Elf, Miracle on 34th Street, The Santa Clause, Scrooged, Bad Santa, White Christmas, Home Alone, any one of these are far more worth your time than this lame excuse for a comedy.
Simply put, Deck the Halls is not funny. As we all know, there’s nothing more insufferable than an unfunny comedy. Moreover, neither one of the leading characters are sympathetic enough to make the audience care who comes out on top at the end. Frankly, I wanted to see them both fall on their moronic asses. Broderick plays the kind of uptight jerk that would cause Will Rogers to rethink his position on humanity. I’m astonished that his wife Kelly (Davis, Sex and the City) doesn’t walk out on him sooner. On the other hand, I completely understand his teenage daughter’s (Shawkat, Whip It) desire to avoid all Christmas-related activities with the family. By the way, Shawkat is the only one who delivers a watchable performance.
DeVito’s character isn’t much better. It’s a variation of his character in Throw Momma from the Train. He’s obnoxious, not too bright and a pain in the mistletoe, but he appears to mean well. Director Whitesell (Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son) really drops the ball by not making him a nasty little man. DeVito excels at playing mean characters. Look at how awesome he was on the TV series Taxi. By not taking advantage of this, the filmmaker all but assured the overall failure of his movie.
Then again, I’m not sure that would even have been enough to salvage Deck the Halls. There’s so much else wrong with it that it would take a complete overhaul and a miracle from God to help it achieve mediocrity. I almost forgot to mention Kristen Chenoweth (RV) who plays Buddy’s long-suffering wife Tia. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I find Chenoweth completely annoying. Well, she’s right at home in this completely annoying movie. In fact, I’m beginning to think that the couple of times I laughed during Deck the Halls, I was thinking about something else. Yes, let’s go with that. Now there’s absolutely no reason to see this facacta movie. Oy vey, just stay away.
