Surviving Christmas (2004) DreamWorks/Comedy RT: 91 minutes Rated PG-13 (language, sexual content, a drug reference) Director: Mike Mitchell Screenplay: Deborah Kaplan, Harry Elfont, Jeffrey Ventimilia and Joshua Sternin Music: Randy Edelman Cinematography: Peter Lyons Collister and Tom Priestly Jr. Release date: October 22, 2004 (US) Cast: Ben Affleck, James Gandolfini, Christina Applegate, Catherine O’Hara, Josh Zuckerman, Bill Macy, Jennifer Morrison, Udo Kier, David Selby, Stephanie Faracy, Stephen Root, Sy Richardson, Peter Jason. Box Office: $11.1M (US)
Rating: NO STARS!!!
Between Christmas with the Kranks and the dreadful Ben Affleck comedy Surviving Christmas, Christmas 2004 turned out to be a pretty “Bleak Christmas” at the multiplex. At least audiences had the good sense to stay away from this one unlike the Kranks which inexplicably made about $73 million.
Surviving Christmas performed so poorly at the box office that DreamWorks hurriedly released it on DVD only two months after it landed in theaters (December 21, to be exact). It was originally slated for a 2003 release, but the studio bumped it so it didn’t clash with Affleck’s sci-fi actioner Paycheck. I don’t see why they bothered because it would have bombed no matter when it came out. It’s terrible! Its only saving grace is the presence of Bill Macy (Maude, Analyze This), always a great supporting comedic actor. Unfortunately, he’s only able to do so much and only succeeds in making Surviving Christmas slightly better than Christmas with the Kranks. Very slightly, I’m talking miniscule, incapable of being seen by the naked eye.
Directed by Mike Mitchell (Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo), Surviving Christmas is yet another cynical holiday-themed comedy full of unlikable characters dealing with an unbelievable situation. Truthfully, the premise might be better suited for a thriller given the disturbing behavior of the protagonist. The idea of a stranger barging into the lives of an already dysfunctional family and sticking around when he’s clearly not wanted might sound a little bit funny on paper, but it makes for a rather uncomfortable viewing experience. When I go to see a comedy, I want to laugh, I don’t want to feel creeped out. The protagonist is clearly experiencing some sort of psychosis. He doesn’t appear to have any kind of a grip on reality. What’s so funny about somebody having a complete mental breakdown? Nothing! At least not in this instance.
Wealthy advertising executive Drew Latham (Affleck, Good Will Hunting) wants to spend Christmas in Fiji with his girlfriend Missy (Morrison, House), but she rejects his offer. She’s aghast that he doesn’t want to spend the holidays with his family and breaks up with him. It looks like he’ll be spending Christmas alone as he has no close relationships with anybody. He accosts his girlfriend’s therapist (Root, Office Space) at the airport and asks what he should do. The therapist tells Drew to make a list of his grievances and burn them at his childhood home.
Drew follows his advice without any consideration for the people who now reside in his old home. After a violent run-in with Tom Valco (Gandolfini, The Sopranos), Drew offers him $250,000 in exchange for being allowed to spend Christmas with his family. Okay, what rational person would even consider such an offer? Tom doesn’t know this guy from Adam, this guy he caught burning something on his front lawn. There’s obviously something wrong with him. Why would he expose his family to this potentially dangerous individual? It’s called greed, my friends, good old fashioned greed. What a lovely message to spread for the holidays.
Anyway, Drew has his lawyer draw up papers requiring the Valcos to act as Drew’s family for the holiday season. One of the many problems with this arrangement is the fact that nobody really wants him there, especially eldest daughter Alicia (Applegate, The Sweetest Thing) who arrives home to find this obnoxious stranger living in her house. She despises him and makes no effort to hide her feelings, but you know it’s only a matter of time until she starts to fall for Drew. There’s also the fact that Tom is planning to divorce his wife Christine (O’Hara, Home Alone). Again, you know that this will also change by the time the closing credits roll. You also know that Drew will do whatever he thinks is necessary to fix everything that’s wrong and bring the family back together. At least he’ll try.
Ordinarily, I don’t reveal endings and I won’t do so here. I will point out that Surviving Christmas is supposedly a feel-good Christmas movie; hence, the ending is a foregone conclusion. Of course, we must first endure a chaotic (and unfunny) surprise visit from Missy and her stuck-up parents. Oh, the horror of it all! Make it go away please.
Just like Christmas with the Kranks, all attempts at sentimentality come off as phony and insincere. Surviving Christmas is as cynical as they come. I understand that Christmas is a difficult time of year for many people. A lot of people feel lonely. It’s no wonder the suicide rate increases during the holiday season. Perhaps this movie’s basic premise might have worked with a more sympathetic character. Certainly there are lonely people more deserving of happiness than this obnoxious, materialistic jerk who thinks his wealth entitles him to do whatever he wants. I know, I know, we’re supposed to root for Drew as he undergoes a positive character transformation. Maybe it’s just me, but I think this guy is a real tool and deserves whatever happens to him. I wanted to reach through the screen and throttle this guy with my bare hands I so thoroughly despised this character. This is easily Affleck’s worst performance EVER! Yes, I’ve seen Gigli (and Pearl Harbor and Armageddon)! The nicest thing that I can say about Affleck is that he acquits himself very well with his directorial efforts (at this point, he’s three for three!). As an actor, he’s pretty bad.
The only cast member who doesn’t completely embarrass himself in Bill Macy who plays a local actor that Drew hires to act as the grandfather everybody affectionately calls “Doo-Dah”. I always liked him in the TV series Maude. It’s nice to see him pop up in a movie every now and then. As for the rest of the cast, I can only express shock and dismay at their terrible performances. Gandolfini, O’Hara, Applegate, Morrison, they’ve all done better, far better.
There’s not a single likable character to be found in Surviving Christmas, but I will express relief at the absence of any “Christmas Nazis” (see Christmas with the Kranks). Thank God for small favors, right? Either way, Surviving Christmas is completely dismal and will surely dampen the spirits of even the most cheerful moviegoer. Completely devoid of joy, it’s the cinematic equivalent of finding a lump of fecal matter in your stocking.
