XXX (2002) Columbia/Action RT: 124 minutes Rated PG-13 (violence, non-stop action sequences, sensuality, drug content, language) Director: Rob Cohen Screenplay: Rich Wilkes Music: Randy Edelman Cinematography: Dean Semler Release date: August 9, 2002 (US) Cast: Vin Diesel, Asia Argento, Marton Csokas, Samuel L. Jackson, Michael Roof, Richy Muller, Werner Daehn, Petr Jakl, Jan Pavel Filipensky, Tom Everett, Danny Trejo, Thomas Ian Griffith, Eve, Leila Arcieri, William Hope. Box Office: $141.2M (US)/$277.4M (World)
Rating: **
By definition, action movies are usually silly and mindless. XXX is just dumb. It wants so badly to be the next James Bond franchise you can almost hear the martinis being shaken not stirred. I grew up watching Bond and belive me when I say the eponymous secret agent in XXX is no Bond. His real name is Xander Cage and he’s played by Vin Diesel (The Fast and the Furious), an actor closer in form and spirit to Stallone and Schwarzenegger than Sean Connery, Roger Moore and Pierce Brosnan. They were suave, witty and charming. Diesel lumbers through XXX like a Neanderthal, grunting dialogue that doesn’t include a single memorable one-liner.
The biggest difference between the two spies is that Cage is an extreme athlete. He does all sorts of crazy, dangerous stuff with motorcycles, cars, skis and parachutes. Extreme sports are his life. He’s also a political activist of sorts. He steals and destroys a senator’s car as an act of protest against his conservative views regarding rap music, video games and other fun things. It lands him in very hot water with the government. He’ll go to jail for a very long time unless he agrees to help them. He’s recruited by the NSA to infiltrate Anarchy 99, a gang of anarchists headed by Yorgi (Csokas, The Bourne Supremacy). They’re in possession of a biochemical weapon known as “Silent Night”. Like all Eastern European villains, Yorgi is bent on world domination. If Cage, code named “XXX” for the big tattoo on the back of his neck, successfully completes his mission, his criminal record will be expunged.
It’s clear to me director Rob Cohen (The Fast and the Furious) understands the mechanics of the secret agent genre. He knows the parts and how to assemble them. We’ve already discussed the villain who just happens to have a secret underground lair from which he intends to launch his weapon of mass infection. Let’s move onto the sexy hot girl. Every secret agent has to have at least one of those. Bond had one, sometimes more than one, in every movie. In XXX, it’s Yelena, a bad ass babe played by Asia Argento (daughter of giallo maestro Dario). WOW, is she ever gorgeous! It’s too bad Cohen doesn’t give her more to do here.
Let’s see, what else? There’s the M-like handler Agent Gibbons (Jackson, Pulp Fiction). For some unknown reason, the left side of his face is burnt and scarred. You also need gadgets and somebody like Q to make them. Here, one Agent Shavers (the late Roof) outfits a GTO for our hero. Exotic locations? Check! The action takes place primarily in Prague. It’s a beautiful city; Chen makes great use of it. Huge action set-pieces? Yep, in abundance! There’s even a variation of the obligatory scene of the hero outrunning a fiery explosion. In XXX, our hero outskis an avalanche. Both things are equally believable by which I mean NOT! I know, it’s pointless to describe anything that happens in an action flick as unbelievable. It’s the nature of the beast. It’s like saying a scorpion is poisonous or a cobra deadly. Big action movies will NEVER be known for their verisimilitude.
ANYWAY, XXX has all right parts in the right order. That’s not the problem. The problem is that the movie is positively soulless. Like many an action movie with a huge budget, it’s a rather hollow viewing experience. It’s strictly a by-the-numbers affair except when it comes to presentation. In trying to update the genre for young 21st century audiences, Cohen turns it into a loud, lumbering, dumbed-down assault vehicle with none of the wit or intelligence of a James Bond movie. The villain is forgettable in that he’s just like every other bad guy that crossed James Bond’s path. He talks a lot. He tests his new weapon on the same lab rats that put it together. And so on.
As an action star, Diesel is pretty good. I like him as Dominic Toretto (the F&F franchise) and Riddick. Xander Cage isn’t terribly interesting. He doesn’t get off any good one-liners. Diesel tries but can only do much with what little the writer gives him to work with. Argento is nice to look at but that’s it. Jackson basically plays the same character he plays in all his movies but without all the f-words (f*** you, PG-13).
I’ll say this for XXX. It’s competently made meaning that it looks good and the story makes sense. It’s not overedited to the point of incoherence. The action scenes are well orchestrated, but not all that exciting. We’ve been there and done that. It’s a serviceable action movie. It doesn’t exactly suck, but it’s not good either. Watching it isn’t a total waste of time but you’ll wish you spent the two hours watching a better movie.
I remember the discussion I had with the usher (who was in his early 20s) as the end credits rolled. I nearly choked when he said Bond was obsolete and XXX is what young audiences wanted in 2002. First of all, if anybody is going to succeed Bond, it will be Jason Bourne. Coincidentally, the first Bourne movie, The Bourne Identity, opened only two months earlier. Second, James Bond will NEVER go out of style. This movies are classic.
XXX, on the other hand will NEVER be regarded as a classic. It won’t die off though. The sequel, XXX: The Return of Xander Cage, opens in January 2017. Let’s hope it’s a better movie.
