Suburban Commando (1991) New Line/Comedy-Sci-Fi RT: 90 minutes Rated PG (violence, mild language) Director: Burt Kennedy Screenplay: Frank Cappello Music: David Michael Frank Cinematography: Bernd Heinl Release date: October 4, 1991 (US) Cast: Hulk Hogan, Christopher Lloyd, Shelley Duvall, Larry Miller, Michael Faustino, Laura Mooney, William Ball, Jo Ann Dearing, Jack Elam, Roy Dotrice, Tony Longo, Mark Calaway, Dennis Burkley, Luis Contreras, Nick Eldredge. Box Office: $8M (US)
Rating: ***
In order to fully appreciate the Hulk Hogan starrer Suburban Commando, you have to understand what it is. It appears to have been made to be shown exclusively at Saturday matinees even though such movies had vanished by ’91. It’s aimed at 10YO boys too young to know an extended product placement when they see it, wrestling superstar Hulk Hogan being the product. Knowing this won’t necessarily make it a more pleasurable viewing experience for some, but knowing what they’re dealing with might make it a more tolerable one. Me, I like it and its big goofy heart.
By way of a follow-up to his debut feature No Holds Barred, the Hulkster rope-jumps into sci-fi mode to play Shep Ramsey, an ultimate intergalactic warrior we first meet trying to stop evil space despot General Suitor (Ball) who’s been terrorizing the universe. The mission isn’t exactly a success, a kidnapped planetary ruler is killed and Shep barely gets away with his life. Ordered to take a vacation while his damaged spaceship repairs itself, Shep is forced to crash-land on Earth where blending in with the indigenous dominant lifeform (i.e. earthlings) won’t be easy because…. well, he’s an alien. As we all know, they’re never familiar with our customs. That’s what makes them funny.
Shep rents a room at the suburban home of Charlie Wilcox (Lloyd, Back to the Future) and his family- wife Jenny (Duvall, The Shining) and two kids, Theresa (Mooney, She’s Out of Control) and Mark (Faustino, The Monster Squad). Charlie, a talented architect, is a weak-willed type who lets everybody push him around especially his back-stabbing boss (Miller, 10 Things I Hate About You) who consistently takes all the credit for his hard work. He can’t even get up the courage to ask him for a well-deserved raise.
It’s Charlie who first notices there’s something strange about their new tenant. He starts following Shep around and soon discovers the truth. In doing so, he inadvertently alerts a pair of bounty hunters, played by Tony Longo (Sixteen Candles) and Mark “The Undertaker” Calaway, to Shep’s whereabouts. Show of hands, who thinks Charlie will grow a pair and fight alongside Shep? It’s a rhetorical question, of course.
A few words come to mind in regards to Suburban Commando– stupid, lame-brained, moronic and inane; it’s all of that and more. By more, I specifically mean silly, an apt description of the events that transpire over the movie’s 90 minutes. Directed by Burt Kennedy (Dirty Dingus Magee), it’s at its daffiest best when Shep goes around cleaning up the neighborhood, ridding it of purse snatchers, reckless drivers, junior bullies, rude gearheads and mimes. Ah yes, the mime. That poor guy gets it pretty hard from our large, muscular hero unfamiliar with the art of pantomime. When he sees him doing the “stuck in an invisible box” bit, he thinks it’s a force field and uses his fist to help free him. OUCH! Another funny scene is Shep helping a little girl whose cat is stuck in a tree. He gives literal meaning to the term “catapult”. BTW, the little girl is played by future Handmaid’s Tale star Elisabeth Moss.
Saying that Hulk Hogan gives his finest performance ever in Suburban Commando isn’t saying much at all since his filmography includes Mr. Nanny, Santa with Muscles and 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain. HOWEVER, he seems a little more relaxed than he did in No Holds Barred. Stripped of the intensity that comes with playing vengeful wrestlers, he’s a surprisingly funny guy. He approaches his character with a light touch, relying heavily on Shep’s natural inclination to be a hero in every situation. He’s the perfect one to guide Charlie on the path to assertiveness. In the role, Lloyd dials it back just the right amount. Usually an eccentric loon, he steps out of character to play a slightly-off suburban family guy who always plays it safe. Lloyd’s character transition from wimp to tough guy is believable in the context of such comedies. Miller was born to play sniveling, smarmy characters like Charlie’s boss. He takes it to a cartoonish comic high.
Suburban Commando isn’t without its problems. The plot, once Hulk is earthbound, is rather slim. Charlie’s family disappears for a significant stretch, only reappearing when they’re needed to advance the story. Western icon Jack Elam, playing the perennially sloshed WWII vet who lives next door to Charlie, is sadly underused. The way he sits in his old, broken-down jeep commenting on what goes on in the neighborhood is priceless.
Thankfully, Suburban Commando has many good points too. The special effects are decent. An alien creature that shows up late in the game is NOT a CGI creation. The opening space sequence doesn’t look like a video game; it’s more like what you’d see in a cheap Star Wars knock-off. It gives the movie an old school feel albeit one with hideous 90s fashions. Most importantly, Suburban Commando is funny. It’s funny in a very mindless way. I laughed several times. I’m not proud of it, but I’m not ashamed either.
