The Beach Girls (1982) Crown International/Comedy RT: 91 minutes Rated R (nudity, language, lots of drug use and drinking) Director: Pat Townsend Screenplay: Patrick Duncan Music: Michael Lloyd Cinematography: Michael D. Murphy Release date: March 26, 1982 (US) Cast: Debra Blee, Val Kline, Jeana Tomasina, James Daughton, Adam Roarke, Dan Barrows, Herb Braha, Mary Jo Catlett, Fern Fitzgerald, Tessa Richarde, Judson Vaughn, George Kee Cheung, Channing Clarkson, Paul E. Richards, Bert Rosario, Tom Logan, Jordan Welch. Box Office: N/A
Rating: ****
This is my absolute favorite of the Crown International teensploitation flicks! You might even say I have a sentimental attachment to The Beach Girls, a silly comedy about three hot girls, a beach house and the madness that ensues when they take it over for the summer. Not long after we moved to a town that got Cinemax (November ’83 to be exact), I snuck downstairs late one Friday night to watch it in the basement family room out of earshot of my dad who I prayed would stay asleep the whole 91 minutes. I got lucky and saw it all the way through uninterrupted. At 15, I thought it was great! Even better, they showed it a lot the following summer so I got to rewatch it several times. It’s one of those movies I never get tired of. Granted, it’s no cinematic landmark, not by a long shot or any length shot, but it sure is a lot of fun.
The set-up is simple. Sarah (Blee, Hamburger: The Motion Picture), a serious-minded honor student with an eye towards law school, is invited to spend the summer at a beach house owned by her rich Uncle Carl (Roarke, Dirty Mary Crazy Larry). She invites her two wild friends from college, Ginger (Kline) and Ducky (Tomasina, Up the Creek), to join her. They bring with them a handsome drifter, Scott (Daughton, Malibu Beach), they pick up hitchhiking on the way. The two girls, who have little more on their minds than having fun and meeting guys, waste no time in getting the party started. They throw a wild party to end all wild parties.
If I was using my serious voice for my review of The Beach Girls, I’d ask why an uptight girl like Sarah is friends with wild ones like Ginger and Ducky. It doesn’t seem like a good fit. Well, this is a matter teenage Movie Guy doesn’t give two hooters about. He thinks it’s a riot and so do I. It’s one of those comedies that isn’t shy about slipping into stupidity. A perfect example is when somebody shouts “Food fight!” and the next shot shows people dressed in hamburger, ketchup and mustard costumes shoving each other around. Another scene has a party guest arguing with a baggie of weed in the style of those old Parkay margarine commercials- i.e. “parsley”, “marijuana”. Just thinking about it makes me giggle like a college-age stoner.
How do Ginger and Ducky get so many male party guests on such short notice? Why, they let their fingers do the walking…. through the Yellow Pages. They call for all these delivery people- a pizza guy, TV repairman and a diaper service that turns out to be a big-busted delivery GIRL (Richarde, The Last American Virgin). Damn, she is HOT and HUGE! Other guests include a nerd, an auxiliary cop, a “muff diver” (with snorkel and flippers) and about a hundred horny teens. And if you think this party is wild, wait until you see the one they throw after Ginger and Ducky seduce Uncle Carl into letting them stay on after the first party. That’s the one with the awesome herbal party favors that Ginger and Ducky find on the beach. Six Hefty garbage bags filled with weed. It seems drug runner Captain Jack (Richards) tossed them overboard when he was about to be busted by Coast Guard captain Blye (Braha, The Howling), a seaman who apparently reveres Humphrey Bogart’s Lt. Queeg from The Caine Mutiny. What are the chances he and his men will show up at party #2? BTW, the highlight of that one has to be the fight between the Hispanic gardener (Rosario) and an Asian chauffeur (Cheung, The Amsterdam Kill). Of course, his name is Wang and he says “rimo” instead of “limo”.
Am I forgetting something? Oh yeah, Uncle Carl is engaged to uptight Julie (Fitzgerald, Dallas) who gets a call from a nosy neighbor (Catlett, Diff’rent Strokes) about suspicious activity at the house. She flips out when she catches him in the sauna with Ginger and Ducky calling him a “lout” and the girls “hussies”. Naturally, the girls don’t know what either term means- “What’s a hussy?”, “Who’s Loud?” There’s also a great sing-along scene (“Hay-La-Di-La-Di-Lo”) replete with dirty lyrics- e.g. “I am the pizza delivery boy. Eat my salami, it gives me joy!” I still have these things memorized. ALSO, director Pat Townsend (Coach) reuses a shot of a dog stealing a bikini top from Malibu Beach. If nothing else, Crown International is thrifty.
Who cares about the acting when the girls are this freaking HOT? The Beach Girls has plenty of T&A too. Its humor ranges from dumb to dirty yet it’s never sleazy. Well, maybe the idea of middle-aged Carl with those two college girls is mildly sleazy but they’re of legal age. Besides, there’s a cute romance brewing between Sarah and Scott. Like her two besties, he thinks she ought to lighten up and cut loose which she does at party #2. In addition, The Beach Girls has a decent rock soundtrack and a cool opening credits montage of fun beach activities. It’s a great teensploitation flick to kick off summer vacation. Thank you for all the great memories (and mammaries), Crown International!
