The Dungeonmaster (1985) Empire/Fantasy-Horror-Sci-Fi RT: 78 minutes Rated PG-13 (violence, some language) Director: Rosemarie Turko (“Ice Gallery”), John [Carl] Buechler (“Demons of the Dead”), Charles Band (“Heavy Metal”), David Allen (“Stone Canyon Giant”), Steve Ford (“Slasher”), Peter Manoogian (“Cave Beast”) and Ted Nicolaou (“Desert Pursuit”) Screenplay: Allen Actor, Rosemarie Turko (“Ice Gallery”), John [Carl] Buechler (“Demons of the Dead”), Charles Band (“Heavy Metal”), David Allen (“Stone Canyon Giant”), Steve Ford (“Slasher”), Peter Manoogian (“Cave Beast”) and Ted Nicolaou (“Desert Pursuit”) Music: Richard Band and Shirley Walker Cinematography: Mac Ahlberg Release date: April 1985 (Philadelphia, PA) Cast: Jeffrey Byron, Richard Moll, Leslie Wing, Gina Calabrese, W.A.S.P. (Blackie Lawless, Chris Holmes, Randy Piper and Tony Richards), Phil Fondacaro, Sal Fondacaro, Eddie Zammit, Mack Ademia, Danny Dick, Diane Carter, Felix Silla. Box Office: N/A
Rating: ***
Of all the Empire Pictures releases of the mid-80s, The Dungeonmaster has to be the weirdest. Yes, it’s even weirder than the one with the half-man/half-android- i.e. Eliminators. You’ll no doubt notice that it’s credited to seven directors and eight writers. That’s because the hero finds himself in seven different scenarios in an attempt to rescue his girlfriend from eternal damnation at the hands of a demonic sorcerer. Perhaps I’d better elaborate.
Highly skilled computer programmer Paul Bradford (Byron, Metalstorm) wants to marry his aerobics instructor girlfriend Gwen (Wing), but she’s jealous of the super-computer “X-CaliBR8” he created to help manage his life. It may as well be “the other woman”; it even has a female voice. He interacts with it via a neural interface connected to his eyeglasses. He uses it to change traffic lights while he’s jogging and illegally access ATMs. With slightly altered psychological makeup, Paul could be a supervillain.
One night, they’re magically transported to a hellish realm presided over by Mestema (Moll, The Sword and the Sorcerer), a demon who’s spent the past millennia searching the world for a worthy opponent with whom to do battle. It bears mentioning that “Mestema” is another name for Satan (according to the movie). By any name, he’s an evil mother f***er. He’s intrigued by Paul and his skills with technology. Holding Gwen prisoner, he challenges Paul to do battle in seven different scenarios armed only with a portable version of X-CaliBR8- i.e. a wristband that shoots laser beams. If he wins, Gwen will be returned to him unharmed. If not, she’s damned.
So it is that Paul takes on frozen monsters come to life (“Ice Gallery), zombies (“Demons of the Dead”), an evil heavy metal band (“Heavy Metal”), a giant stone statue come to life (“Stone Canyon Giant”), a serial killer (“Slasher”), a cave beast (“Cave Beast”) and a band of desert-dwelling Road Warrior-like baddies (“Desert Pursuit”). Each segment runs about a few minutes apiece so there’s not a lot of room for development. At the end, Paul and Mestema duke it out with their fists. That’s pretty much it.
I didn’t see The Dungeonmaster nor did I rent it right away when it came out on video. I didn’t see it until ’98 when I bought a used VHS copy from a video store going out of business. I remember liking it. HOWEVER, it’s NOT the same version I recently watched as part of my weekly grindhouse package. For one thing, it’s titled Ragewar in the opening credits. I did some checking and learned the studio changed the title to The Dungeonmaster in order to capitalize on the popularity of Dungeons & Dragons. Indeed, it has both things- Mestema resides in a dungeon and there’s a fight between two animated dragons- but nothing at all to do with the game. For another thing, the opening credits are preceded by a dream sequence in which Paul chases a hot chick (Calabrese) through some corridors. They’re about to have sex (GRATUITOUS NUDE SCENE!) when she’s abducted by aliens. That’s when he wakes up. This was NOT in the theatrical version, it has nothing to do with the plot and it’s never brought up again. I can only surmise it was cut to get The Dungeonmaster a more teen-friendly PG-13 rating.
The Dungeonmaster is cheesy as hell which is a large part of its charm. It’s an old school special effects extravaganza with the Claymation, makeup, puppets and a whole lot of 80s F/X wizardry. The sequence with the giant stone statue is reminiscent of Harryhausen. This is the main appeal of Empire Pictures and its output. Granted, the sequences have a disjointed feel like they were thrown together in some random order. I also get the impression that the movie was heavily edited. With a running time of 78 (or 73) minutes, it’s clear somebody decided some of the material belonged on the cutting room floor. But I don’t really care because The Dungeonmaster is a lot of fun.
There is some really dopey dialogue in The Dungeonmaster, the most famous line being when Paul announces to Mestema, “I reject your reality and substitute my own.” I just about lost it when Paul responds to Gwen’s jealousy with “It can’t link up the way WE can.” Ah, true words of romance; sheer poetry, to be sure. Moll, who went on to play the bailiff Bull in the sitcom Night Court, makes a great villain under all that makeup. Byron is pretty good if unexceptional as Paul, the computer geek-turned-mighty warrior. He manages to play the role with a straight face; if that isn’t acting, I don’t know what is. Wing is okay as Gwen. She’s easy on the eyes. The cast also includes Phil Fondacaro (Troll) as a mischievous little dude who leads Paul right to the giant stone creature.
If I had to choose a favorite sequence in The Dungeonmaster, I’d have to say it’s the one with W.A.S.P. Their music is such a perfect fit to the devilish proceedings. But in all honesty, I like the movie as a whole. Sure, it’s not high art. In fact, it’s complete junk. It’s silly, cheesy, convoluted and dumb. It’s positively laughable at times. I guess it’s a good thing nobody takes themselves seriously in front of or behind the camera.
