The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard (2021) Lionsgate/Action-Comedy RT: 99 minutes Rated R (strong bloody violence throughout, pervasive language, some sexual content) Director: Patrick Hughes Screenplay: Tom O’Connor, Brandon Murphy and Phillip Murphy Music: Atli Orvarsson Cinematography: Terry Stacey Release date: June 16, 2021 (US) Cast: Ryan Reynolds, Samuel L. Jackson, Salma Hayek, Antonio Banderas, Morgan Freeman, Frank Grillo, Tom Hopper, Richard E. Grant, Caroline Goodall, Alice McMillan, Rebecca Front, Gabriella Wright, Kristofer Kamiyasu. Box Office: $38M (US)/$70.1M (World)
Rating: ** ½
The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard is yet another sequel that tries to do more but ends up being less. It reminds me a lot of Beverly Hills Cop II. It’s loud, profane, violent, destructive and makes no sense whatsoever. It’s not a movie; it’s a cinematic representation of a heart attack. At the same time, it’s strangely entertaining. I didn’t care much for BHC II the first time I saw it, but it grew on me. Now I’m a fan. It’s worlds better than the boring-ass BHC III. I feel the same about The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard. It’s enjoyable, but I suspect I’ll like it more with repeat viewings.
In this follow-up to the hit 2017 action-comedy The Hitman’s Bodyguard, Ryan Reynolds (Deadpool) and Samuel L. Jackson (The Avengers) reprise their roles as disgraced bodyguard-for-hire Michael Bryce and professional hitman Darius Kincaid. This time around, Salma Hayek (Frida) has been upgraded to major player as Kincaid’s hot-tempered wife Sonia. It’s been four years and Bryce still has nightmares about the incident that led to him losing his license to bodyguard. Actually, it’s “under review”, but let’s not split hairs. His fed-up therapist (Brit comedian Front), looking for any excuse to dump her annoying client, sends him on a sabbatical to Capri to find his inner peace. He barely has a chance to settle in by the pool before fate comes calling in the form of Sonia. She snatches him up during a wild gunfight (that he’s completely oblivious of) and tells him her hubby requires his services again. He’s been kidnapped by the Mafia and needs saving.
Against his better judgment, Bryce helps Sonia rescue an ungrateful Kincaid who, it turns out, asked her to get anybody but Michael Bryce. Minutes later, all three of them get snatched up by Interpol. The agent in charge, Bobby O’Neill (Grillo, Captain America: The Winter Soldier), tells them they have to help him on a case or face significant jail time. He’s looking to bring down a major bad guy, Greek tycoon Aristotle Papadopolous (Banderas, Desperado), with a diabolical plan to make Greece great again. He has in his possession a device- let’s just call it the MacGuffin- that will help him achieve this goal. The hitman, the bodyguard and the hitman’s wife are tasked with retrieving it.
Remember the line in This Is Spinal Tap about the band’s amplifiers going to eleven? Well, The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard goes to 111. It’s entertainment beyond top volume. The characters hardly talk; they mostly scream and shout. Everybody drives like they’re trying out for the next Fast & Furious installment. Guns blast away, property is wrecked and stuff explodes. Reynolds’ character sustains enough bodily injury to make him eligible for disability for the rest of his life. The violence is bloody and the body count high. The profanity never stops. That’s to be expected from almost any movie featuring that Shakespeare of swearing, the ever-reliable Samuel L. Between him and Hayek, they drop more f-bombs in 99 minutes than the Germans dropped on England during the entirety of WWII. I defy you to find a single line of their dialogue that doesn’t contain some variation of f***.
About the only thing in The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard that isn’t high is its IQ which remains firmly in the low-to-mid double-digits. It’s dumb. However, you shouldn’t feel dumb if you can’t follow the plot. Albert Einstein would find it hard to follow. It’s all over the place thanks to a convoluted screenplay by Tom O’Connor (he wrote the first movie), Brandon Murphy and Phillip Murphy. It has holes big enough to fly the Executor (Darth Vader’s ship) through. In the opening moments, the bad guy has a EU official murdered after he announces sanctions against Greece. It’s never referred to again. Shouldn’t this be a major plot point? I guess the makers didn’t want an incidental thing like plot getting in the way of the chaos.
The chemistry between the two leads is made volatile with the addition of Hayek. She blows them both out of the water with her exaggerated performance as a Mexican spitfire who wants only one thing out of life, a family. She and Kincaid are having a hard time conceiving a child, but not for lack of trying. The idea of Sonia being a mother is best summed up when Bryce says, “I wouldn’t leave a Chucky doll in her care.” She doesn’t just get angry; she explodes in a fury of profanity and violence. If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear they based her character on my ex-wife with all the yelling and swearing.
The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard also co-stars Morgan Freeman (The Shawshank Redemption) in a role critics have been asked not to reveal. I’ll only say he makes a fine addition to the cast, but doesn’t he always? Banderas camps it up to the highest level as the Bond-like villain who talks when he should just kill. Ah yes, the “Talking Killer”, an always popular cliché in international capers. It ranks right alongside fruit stands getting knocked over during chase scenes (it happens twice here). Richard E. Grant (Withnail & I) makes a rather pointless cameo. Grillo looks like he’s having fun as a Boston-born Interpol agent with a strong dislike for all three “heroes”. As for the male leads, Reynolds is slightly less annoying than usual while Jackson does what he always does.
Please don’t misunderstand me. I do like The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard. It’s fun and funny, but let’s call it what it is. It’s a dopey summer action-comedy that never strays from formula. It doesn’t have an original bone in its body. It has a lot of CGI that looks like CGI. It’s heavy on action, violence and mayhem and light on coherence. In another words, it’s summer movie business as usual. It’s entertainment that doesn’t require the use of one’s brain. It’s just what audiences need after a year-long lockdown.
