Meet the Blacks (2016) Freestyle Releasing/Comedy RT: 90 minutes Rated R (pervasive language, some sexual material, violence, drug use) Director: Deon Taylor Screenplay: Deon Taylor and Nicole DeMasi Music: The RZA Cinematography: John Thomas Connor Release date: April 1, 2016 (US) Cast: Mike Epps, Gary Owen, Zulay Henao, Bresha Webb, Alex Henderson, Lil Duval, George Lopez, Mike Tyson, King Bach, Charlie Murphy, DeRay Davis, Lavell Crawford, Perez Hilton, Michael Blackson, Tameka Cottle, Phil Austin, Kate Enggren. Box Office: $9.1M (US)
Rating: NO STARS!!!
Meet the Blacks is one invitation you should definitely decline. Not only that, you should make a wide berth around any theater unlucky enough to be showing it. It’s not a movie, it’s a crime against humanity. I’m not exaggerating, it’s really that bad. In fact, it’s beyond bad. It stretches into the infinite reaches of badness and keeps on going.
There are no words to accurately describe how bad Meet the Blacks is. Adjectives like terrible, horrible, awful and lousy don’t even come close. I knew it would be a dud; the signs were right there in front of me. It received very little in the way of promotion. It didn’t screen in advance for critics or audiences. It opened on just over 1000 screens. I’m actually surprised my local multiplex got it; they never get any movies from this particular studio (Freestyle Releasing). That’s the only good thing about Meet the Blacks; I didn’t have to go far to see it. Of course, it could be argued that just stepping outside one’s front door is too far to go to see this movie. In any event, I did have to sacrifice 90 minutes of my life that I’ll never get back. Such is the price critics sometimes have to pay.
On its most basic level, Meet the Blacks is a spoof of The Purge, the 2013 horror-thriller about a near-future America in which the government has set aside one night a year for citizens to go on a crime spree. For 12 hours, everything (and I mean EVERYTHING!) is legal. Citizens, especially those in the upper class, literally get away with murder. I’ll tell you what, I wish I could purge Meet the Blacks from my memory.
As indicated by the title, the story centers on the Blacks and their first night in their new home. Since the Blacks are actually black, the title has a double meaning. Ha ha. That’s the least offensive thing about this movie if you can believe it. Carl Black (Epps, The Hangover) moves his family- hot Latina wife Lorena (Henao, The Single Moms Club), sassy teenage daughter Allie (Webb), oddball son Carl Jr. (Henderson) and pervy ex-con cousin Cronut (comedian-rapper Duval)- from Chicago to Beverly Hills after coming into a lot of money. Okay, he steals it from a drug dealer he used to work for (along with a huge stash of weed). Their first night in their new home just happens to coincide with the annual Purge. Naturally, the Blacks are targeted by their lily-white neighbors who don’t want them there. Also, Carl’s creditors show up looking for a different kind of payback. That’s right, black people never pay their bills, I get it. Talk about negative stereotyping.
Predictably, Meet the Blacks is yet another spoof aimed at black audiences that revels in negative stereotyping. Director Deon Taylor (Supremacy) introduces a collection of insulting character types like the smart-mouth daughter, the thug boyfriend (comedian King Bach) she hides in her bedroom and the do-rag wearing cousin. But here’s where Meet the Blacks differs from other recent, equally offensive spoofs like A Haunted House (1 or 2, it doesn’t matter) and Fifty Shades of Black. It’s also insulting to whites, Hispanics and Asians. In this movie, all white people are depicted as bigots. Shortly after meeting the new family on the block, the chirpy next-door neighbors says, “It’s a little ironic that your name is Black.” Sitcom star George Lopez shows up briefly as “President El Bama”. The one Asian in the movie is a manicurist. I’ll say this for Meet the Blacks; it’s an equal opportunity offender.
There is absolutely NOTHING funny in Meet the Blacks. It’s not even funny by accident. It’s an excruciatingly unfunny movie completely devoid of wit, intelligence and style. It’s loud and shrill. The characters scream most of their dialogue at the tops of their lungs. Speaking of which, if you removed “purge”, “f***” and the n-word, you’d have only 15-20 minutes of dialogue (and that’s being generous). It name-drops like crazy. Instead of coming up with actual jokes, writers Taylor and Nicole DeMasi try to cram as many celebrity names and pop culture references as possible in a 90-minute time span (which still feels too long).
Not only is Meet the Blacks not funny, it feels kind of off. For example, Carl Jr.- who is called “Carl’s Jr.” (in reference to the fast-food chain) more than once- likes to dress like a vampire (cape and fangs). This makes no sense at all. A cameo by boxer Mike Tyson as a deranged party clown also feels weird. Then there’s the overzealous neighborhood watch guy (blogger Hilton). Considering what went down with Trayvon Martin a few years back, this is in incredibly bad taste. Then again, so is the rest of the movie. It seems to want to make a statement about racism in America, but lacks the integrity or credibility to do so effectively. In fact, Meet the Blacks lacks anything resembling integrity, artistic or otherwise. The acting, if you can call it that, is atrocious. From a production standpoint, it’s very sloppily made. The editing, lighting and sound all reek of incompetence.
Meet the Blacks is terrible in every imaginable way. It’s even worse than Zoolander 2. I can’t imagine anybody with an IQ over 50 wanting to see this stupid, bafflingly bad movie. Every feeble attempt at humor lands with a resounding thud. It doesn’t even deserve to be uttered in the same breath as “comedy”. It gets a “NO STARS!!!” rating only because there is no lower rating I can award it. Think of my review as more of a warning to stay far, FAR away from this humongous piece of crap. When it was finally over, I felt like I’d been robbed and assaulted. Right before the closing credits start to roll, the words “to be continued” appear on the screen. Doesn’t that constitute some sort of threat? Quick, somebody call the police!
