{"id":1362,"date":"2024-07-27T11:41:56","date_gmt":"2024-07-27T11:41:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/?p=1362"},"modified":"2024-10-14T11:35:17","modified_gmt":"2024-10-14T15:35:17","slug":"cat-women-of-the-moon","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/2024\/07\/27\/cat-women-of-the-moon\/","title":{"rendered":"Cat-Women of the Moon"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"Cat-Women of the Moon<\/strong> (1953)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Astor Pictures\/Sci-Fi\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 RT: 64 minutes\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 No MPAA rating (some bloodless violence)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Director: Arthur Hilton\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Screenplay: Roy Hamilton\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Music: Elmer Bernstein\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Cinematography: William P. Whitley\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Release date: September 3, 1953 (US)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Cast: Sonny Tufts, Victor Jory, Marie Windsor, William Phipps, Douglas Fowley, Carol Brewster, Suzanne Alexander, Susan Morrow, Betty Arlen, Roxann Delman, Ellye Marshall, Judy Walsh.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Box Office: N\/A<\/p>\n

Rating<\/strong>: *<\/p>\n

\u00a0How many clues does the average person require in order to identify a supremely bad movie? I suppose it depends on the individual and how much knowledge he\/she possesses about cinema? There are many signs pertaining to the quality of Cat-Women of the Moon<\/strong>, a super-cheap sci-fi-adventure originally released in 3D. The most obvious identifier is the title. With a name like that, you know you\u2019re not talking about a potential Oscar winner.<\/p>\n

\u00a0Then there\u2019s the film\u2019s star Sonny Tufts. He\u2019s considered one of the worst actors to ever grace the silver screen. Hailed as \u201cThe Male Sensation of 1944\u201d, his illustrious career consists of one cinematic stinker after another- e.g. The Government Girl, The Well Groomed Bride, Serpent Island and his piece of resistance<\/em> Cat-Women of the Moon<\/strong>. So prolific was Tufts among bad actors that the Medved brothers devoted an entire section of their book The Golden Turkey Awards to his films. The only reason he even became a star was because all the good actors were off fighting WWII. Pickings were slim and Tufts\u2019 good looks served him well as did his 4-F status. It certainly wasn\u2019t talent that made him a star. Honestly, I\u2019m shocked he managed to find work after the war ended.<\/p>\n

\u00a0These are the two biggest indicators of how truly terrible Cat-Women of the Moon<\/strong> is. There\u2019s one other, but only true movie aficionados will spot it. One of the producers is Al Zimbalist who also unleashed the notorious sci-fi stinker Robot Monster on the moviegoing public that same year. To be fair, Cat-Women of the Moon<\/strong> is marginally better; that is to say, it\u2019s not completely unwatchable. However, like its cinematic sibling, it runs just over an hour and still feels overlong. I had an easier time sitting through Reds which is three times as long. Do the math, it adds up.<\/p>\n

\u00a0For the purposes of this review, let\u2019s forget the science in Cat-Women of the Moon<\/strong> doesn\u2019t add up. It was 1953 and not a lot was known about space travel. A trip to the moon was still the subject of fiction. At one point, one of the characters alludes to the myth about the moon being made of green cheese. If scientists hadn\u2019t figured it out yet, it\u2019s a safe bet filmmakers knew even less than they did. 70+ years later, school kids know more than the astronauts in this movie.<\/p>\n

\u00a0Our story begins aboard a rocket ship heading for the moon. The crew consists of five men….. oops, I mean four men and a woman. Although Betty Friedan\u2019s The Feminine Mystique was ten years away, the seeds of Women\u2019s Lib had already been planted by Rosie the Riveter during WWII. So it is that the crew of the nameless spacecraft has a female navigator, Helen Salinger (Windsor, The Narrow Margin). Her male crewmates are Commander Laird Grainger (Tufts), co-pilot Kip Reissner (Jory, Gone with the Wind), communications officer Doug Smith (Phipps, Invaders from Mars), engineer Walt Walters (Fowley, Mighty Joe Young) and navigator Helen Salinger (Windsor, The Narrow Margin).<\/p>\n

\u00a0Now for the salient points about the characters. Laird is a rigid, by-the-book type with the personality of a slab of marble. Kip is less rigid about rules and procedures. He\u2019s also Laird\u2019s rival for Helen\u2019s affections. Walt Walters (hereafter referred to as W2) is a greedy opportunist always looking to make an easy buck. When he hears the moon is rich with gold, he all but creams his spacesuit. The only thing to be said about Doug is that he hits the male trifecta- young, dumb and horny. And then there\u2019s Helen.* For now, I\u2019ll just say she\u2019s being guided by a power greater than herself.<\/p>\n

\u00a0Let\u2019s talk about set design for a minute. Wait until you get a load of the control room which looks more like a cramped office at an accounting firm. It also seems to be the only room on the vessel. It\u2019s furnished with rollaway cots (for sleepy time), desk chairs with wheels (?!) and consoles with buttons, dials and flashing lights. There\u2019s a single window through which you can see a matte painting of outer space. Yeah, this is some cheap Ed Wood s***!<\/p>\n

\u00a0As the rocket nears its destination, Helen starts acting strangely. At times, it seems like she\u2019s in a trance of some kind. She suggests landing on the dark side of the moon then proceeds to lead the others to a cave where they can inexplicably breathe without the aid of their space suits. It also houses a pair of giant (fake) spiders that attack them. Thank God Kip has his trusty handgun with him. And Laird told him not to bring it. HA! Shows how much you know, boss.<\/p>\n

\u00a0The cave leads to an ancient city that turns out to be home to a race of alien beings, the cat-women of the title. Clad in skin-tight black leotards and sporting heavy black eye makeup, they welcome their male visitors and invite them to stay the night. It\u2019s not like they have a choice in the matter. The feline fatales have their spacesuits and won\u2019t return them until the next day. Could they possibly be plotting something?<\/p>\n

\u00a0So what\u2019s up with Helen? How is it she knew exactly where to land and where to go once they set foot on the surface? And why does nothing appear to faze her? So it turns out the cat-women possess the ability to communicate telepathically with females of any planetary race. The leader Alpha (Brewster, Untamed Women) has been in contact with Helen for years. She\u2019s the one that gave Helen her aptitude for math and science. She\u2019s the real brains of Operation Helen. She brought her here with the intention of seizing the rocket ship and catching a ride to Earth so she and her sisters-in-claws can take it over.<\/p>\n

\u00a0Taking control of the vessel shouldn\u2019t be all that difficult. Men are so easily manipulated by the promise of…. well, you couldn\u2019t actually come right out and say it in \u201953, but it\u2019s obvious what they\u2019re getting at here. It\u2019s not rocket science after all. So it is that the cat-women use their feminine wiles to seduce the guys. The only one that doesn\u2019t fall for it is Kip who won\u2019t even partake of the food and drink they offer. Besides, he\u2019s too preoccupied with winning Helen away from his commanding officer.<\/p>\n

\u00a0Movies like Cat-Women of the Moon<\/strong> are best watched with an open mind and a goofy grin. It makes them easier to digest. While not as howlingly bad as Plan 9 from Outer Space, it does have its moments. I\u2019m particularly fond of the scene where the cat-women do this group dance that apparently has seductive sway over the menfolk that witness it. I don\u2019t know who choreographed it, but I can say without an ounce of doubt Jerome Robbins has nothing to worry about. It\u2019s about as sexy as a bunch of young girls performing in the middle school talent show. It should be mentioned that there are only two other cat-women of note, Beta (Alexander, Down Three Dark Streets) and Lambda (Morrow, Canadian Mounties vs. Atomic Invaders). The rest are just there to serve and tempt. The actresses playing the cat-women are credited in the opening as \u201cThe Hollywood Cover Girls\u201d which tells me the producers don\u2019t see them as individuals either.<\/p>\n

\u00a0It\u2019s hard to say which is worse in Cat-Women of the Moon<\/strong>, the acting or the dialogue. They\u2019re both heinous. Sonny easily leads the pack in terms of performance…. poor performance, that is. You want to see wooden acting? He\u2019s your guy! Keep him away from open flames at all times. Is it any mystery why he didn\u2019t achieve superstar status? His brush with fame was fleeting and eventually petered out by the late 50s aside from one last little hurrah with a small supporting role in the Marilyn Monroe comedy The Seven Year Itch. Tufts then went fame to infamy with his heavy drinking and brushes with the law. He became a running joke on Johnny Carson for several years until his death from pneumonia in 1970.<\/p>\n

\u00a0The rest of the cast isn\u2019t much better. They\u2019re all pretty wooden. What\u2019s truly sad is a lot of them, Jory and Windsor in particular, have been in better movies. Cat-Women of the Moon<\/strong> is the kind of movie you sign on for when your career is waning. It\u2019s a paycheck, nothing more. My question is this. Are they being paid enough to keep straight faces while delivering the dopey dialogue? Listen to this exchange.<\/p>\n

Lambda: \u201cI love you, Doug and I must kill you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Doug: \u201cI love you too, Lambda and I\u2019m not afraid.\u201d<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s another line that should be immortalized:<\/p>\n

Walt: \u201cYou\u2019re too smart for me, baby. I like \u2018em stupid.\u201d<\/p>\n

Okay, just one more. Check out this opening narration by Tufts:<\/p>\n

\u201cThe eternal wonders of space and time. The far away dreams and mysteries of other worlds. Other life. The stars. The planets. Man has been face to face with them for centuries, yet is barely able to penetrate their unknown secrets. Sometime, someday, the barrier will be pierced. Why must we wait? Why not now?\u201d<\/p>\n

It makes me wonder if this is where Ed Wood learned all he knew about writing dialogue.<\/p>\n

\u00a0The special effects are strictly of the dime store variety. They are cheap, cheap, CHEAP! In fact, everything about Cat-Women of the Moon<\/strong> is cheap. The makers couldn\u2019t even afford to fix composer Elmer Bernstein\u2019s name (misspelled \u201cBernstien\u201d) in the opening credits. YES, it\u2019s that Elmer Bernstein, the same guy who composed the Magnificent Seven theme, that Elmer Bernstein. Back to the terrible FX, the rocket (clearly a model) is about as convincing as a child\u2019s toy. The part where a flaming comet hits the spacecraft is especially bad. The rocket does a complete 360 yet it has zero effect on the crew or the furnishings. You\u2019d think it would do at least a little damage, right? The giant spiders are also totally fake looking, but I\u2019ll still take them over anything CGI.<\/p>\n

\u00a0Cat-Women of the Moon<\/strong>, it\u2019s a bad one alright. But you know what? I had fun watching it. Sure, my patience started to wear out a little near the end, but it wasn\u2019t nearly as trying a watch as any of the recent Marvel movies. It knows what it is and never pretends to be anything more. I admire and respect that.<\/p>\n

*= Admit it, you started playing the Maude theme song in your brain after you read this sentence, didn\u2019t you?\"\"<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Cat-Women of the Moon (1953)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Astor Pictures\/Sci-Fi\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 RT: 64 minutes\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 No MPAA rating (some bloodless violence)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Director: Arthur Hilton\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Screenplay: Roy Hamilton\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Music: Elmer Bernstein\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Cinematography: William P. Whitley\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Release date: September 3, 1953 (US)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Cast: Sonny Tufts, Victor Jory, Marie Windsor, William Phipps, Douglas Fowley, Carol Brewster, Suzanne Alexander, Susan Morrow, Betty Arlen, Roxann […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":1581,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[27,9,20],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1362","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-b-movies","category-guilty-pleasures","category-sci-fi-fantasy"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/Cat-Women-of-the-Moon-PIC.jpg?fit=620%2C348&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1362","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1362"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1362\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1950,"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1362\/revisions\/1950"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1581"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1362"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1362"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1362"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}