{"id":1447,"date":"2024-07-30T19:21:34","date_gmt":"2024-07-30T19:21:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/?p=1447"},"modified":"2024-10-14T00:45:49","modified_gmt":"2024-10-14T04:45:49","slug":"treasure-of-the-four-crowns","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/2024\/07\/30\/treasure-of-the-four-crowns\/","title":{"rendered":"Treasure of the Four Crowns"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"Treasure of the Four Crowns <\/strong>(1983)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Cannon\/Action-Adventure\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 RT: 100 minutes\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Rated PG (language, violence, scary images)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Director: Ferdinando Baldi\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Screenplay: Tony Anthony and Lloyd Battista\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Music: Ennio Morricone\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Cinematography: Marcello Masciocchi and Giuseppe Ruzzolini\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Release date: April 15, 1983 (Philadelphia, PA)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Cast: Tony Anthony, Ana Obregon, Gene Quintano, Jerry Lazarus, Francisco Rabal, Emiliano Redondo, Francisco Villena, Lewis Gordon, Kate Levan.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Box Office: N\/A<\/p>\n

Rating<\/strong>: NO STARS!!!<\/p>\n

\u00a0Released during the height of the short-lived 3D craze of the early 80s, Treasure of the Four Crowns<\/strong> is nothing more than a lazy rip-off of Raiders of the Lost Ark. The sad thing is that I chose to see it over Lone Wolf McQuade that Saturday afternoon in April \u201983. It was a regrettable decision that I\u2019ll have to live with for the rest of my life.<\/p>\n

\u00a0The week before, my friend Bill and I went to see the exploitation flick Vigilante at the same twin cinema where Treasure of the Four Crowns<\/strong> was playing. The crowd of kids inside sounded like they were having a great time, screaming whenever something leapt off the screen. I decided to check it out for myself the following weekend. I realized about 20 minutes in what I\u2019d gotten myself into. All I could do was silently pray for time to suddenly speed up so my suffering would end. Obviously, that didn\u2019t happen.<\/p>\n

\u00a0Made by the same team who restarted the 3D resurgence with Comin\u2019 at Ya two years before, Treasure of the Four Crowns <\/strong>is an Italian-made action-adventure in the vein of Raiders. I\u2019ve been racking my brain trying to come up with a name for the genre. If westerns made in Italy are called \u201cspaghetti westerns\u201d, what should we call action-adventure flicks made there? I\u2019m thinking \u201cpasta adventures\u201d. If anybody has a better idea, let me know.<\/p>\n

\u00a0Directed by Ferdinando Baldi (Comin\u2019 at Ya!), Treasure of the Four Crowns<\/strong> opens with soldier of fortune J.T. Striker (Anthony, Comin\u2019 at Ya!) breaking into an old castle to retrieve a key that will unlock the Golden Crowns. This sequence runs about 20 minutes for no other reason than to allow the makers to throw as many objects as possible into the faces of audience members. Here\u2019s a partial list: spears, vultures, dogs, broken glass, ropes, swords, skeletal fingers, flaming boulders and Tony Anthony.<\/p>\n

\u00a0After this lengthy sequence, our hero delivers the key to his friend Ed (Quintano, Comin\u2019 at Ya!) who works for Professor Montgomery (Villena), an expert on the Crowns. He explains that two of them are in the hands of Brother Jonas (Redondo, Fist Fighter), an evil cult leader with aspirations of ruling the world with the crowns\u2019 mystical powers of good and evil. The professor unlocks the crown is his possession and removes a scroll that explains all of this. Hidden inside the remaining two crowns (the fourth one was destroyed long ago) are gems with magical powers. He wants J.T. to assemble a team to break into the heavily guarded compound and steal the Crowns. The reluctant hero puts together a team consisting of alcoholic expert climber Rick (Lazarus, Police Academy 5), mercenary-turned -circus clown Socrates (Rabal, Dagon) and his young trapeze artist wife Liz (Obregon, Bolero).<\/p>\n

\u00a0Listing everything that sucks about Treasure of the Four Crowns<\/strong> would fill pages and pages. I\u2019m sure nobody wants to read a review the length of a novel so I\u2019ll try to limit myself to its most significant flaws. Let\u2019s start with how cheap it looks. It\u2019s obvious the producers spent no money on this thing. Not only that, they display their utter contempt for the audience by not even trying to hide the wires in the scenes where objects fly. In one scene, the key takes on a life of its own and starts flying around a cabin while the characters try to catch it. The wires are very visible. Then there\u2019s the scene in the climax where Striker\u2019s head spins around Exorcist-style after he grabs hold of the gems. They did it better and more convincingly in \u201973.<\/p>\n

\u00a0Then there\u2019s the editing. Now I could be wrong, but I think there\u2019s a whole scene missing. Initially, Striker turns down his friend\u2019s request to assemble a team for the crown retrieval operation. The very next scene<\/em> shows him accompanying said friend to locate Rick in a bar in some remote, snow-covered place. What exactly did we miss? At other points, the same shot is repeated two or three times. Treasure of the Four Crowns<\/strong> also suffers from slow pacing and what feels like an overlong running time due to Baldi prolonging scene after scene. To be fair, he has an excuse. He didn\u2019t have much of an idea to begin with. It\u2019s like stretching out hamburger meat with bread cubes and hard-boiled egg.<\/p>\n

\u00a0I may have already said this in a roundabout way, but I\u2019ll say it more succinctly this time. The special effects in Treasure of the Four Crowns <\/strong>are terrible. I guess the producers figured the audience would be too distracted by the \u201ccool\u201d 3D effects to notice. Without the gimmick, they stand out like a turd in a punch bowl.<\/p>\n

\u00a0All of the acting is terrible, but I would like to say that I do like the lead actor\u2019s name, Tony Anthony, full name Anthony Anthony. Throughout the whole movie, I kept saying to myself, \u201cThere\u2019s no need to fear, Tony Anthony is here!\u201d His character\u2019s name is cool in a cheesy-bad way, J.T. Striker.<\/p>\n

\u00a0The only thing about Treasure of the Four Crowns<\/strong> that doesn\u2019t completely suck is the score by Ennio Morricone (the Man with No Name trilogy). However, I feel compelled to ask if he was really that hard up for money that he agreed to score such a turkey. The storyline is idiotic plain and simple. It\u2019s Raiders for dummies. Then there\u2019s the very final scene. It shows a monster jumping out of a fog-shrouded bog. It has nothing, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, to do with anything that preceded it. It looks like something from an Ed Wood movie. I know why the producers included it. They wanted to throw one more thing in the viewers\u2019 faces, one last 3D effect. Can we say \u201cgratuitous\u201d?<\/p>\n

\u00a0Of all the terrible 3D movies that came out around the time, Treasure of the Four Crowns<\/strong> is the absolute nadir. Yes, it\u2019s even worse than Jaws 3D and Amityville 3D combined. It\u2019s God-awful with the 3D and even worse without it. You can laugh at this movie, but only after the fact. Watching it is an excruciating experience. It\u2019ll give you a headache with or without the 3D. It leaves me with a burning question though. Whatever happened to Tony Anthony?<\/p>\n

\u00a0Let me sum up this review by quoting a line from the movie. Somebody says, \u201cIt stinks, but maybe it\u2019ll work\u201d after watching a particularly bad circus act. That must have been the producers\u2019 mantra while making Treasure of the Four Crowns<\/strong>.\"\"<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Treasure of the Four Crowns (1983)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Cannon\/Action-Adventure\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 RT: 100 minutes\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Rated PG (language, violence, scary images)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Director: Ferdinando Baldi\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Screenplay: Tony Anthony and Lloyd Battista\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Music: Ennio Morricone\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Cinematography: Marcello Masciocchi and Giuseppe Ruzzolini\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Release date: April 15, 1983 (Philadelphia, PA)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Cast: Tony Anthony, Ana Obregon, Gene Quintano, Jerry Lazarus, Francisco Rabal, Emiliano Redondo, Francisco […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":1828,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[17,7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1447","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-action-adventure","category-this-sucks-so-bad"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/Treasure-of-the-Four-Crowns.jpg?fit=620%2C348&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1447","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1447"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1447\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2016,"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1447\/revisions\/2016"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1828"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1447"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1447"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1447"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}