{"id":4187,"date":"2024-09-27T13:58:04","date_gmt":"2024-09-27T13:58:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/?p=4187"},"modified":"2024-10-12T22:10:09","modified_gmt":"2024-10-12T22:10:09","slug":"the-hottie-the-nottie","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/2024\/09\/27\/the-hottie-the-nottie\/","title":{"rendered":"The Hottie & the Nottie"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"The Hottie & the Nottie <\/strong>(2008)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Regent\/Comedy\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 RT: 87 minutes\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Rated PG-13 (crude\/gross humor, sexual content, drinking)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Director: Tom Putnam\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Screenplay: Heidi Ferrer\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Music: David E. Russo\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Cinematography: Alex Vendler\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Release date: February 8, 2008 (US)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Cast: Paris Hilton, Joel David Moore, Christine Lakin, Johann Urb, Adam Kulbersh, The Greg Wilson, Marianne Muellerleile, Kathryn Fiore, Scott Prendergast, Morgan Rusler, Ryan Alvarez.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Box Office: $27,696 (US)\/$1.5M (World)<\/p>\n

Rating<\/strong>: NO STARS!!!<\/p>\n

\u00a0I avoided watching The Hottie & the Nottie <\/strong>because it looked especially bad. That really means something because I don\u2019t ordinarily do that. I just couldn\u2019t bring myself to watch a rom-com starring that most vapid of celebrities Paris Hilton. I can\u2019t stand her. She reminds me of a life-sized Barbie doll brought to life for no other reason than to use up oxygen. She has both the personality and emotional range of a department store mannequin. At one point in this dreadful excuse for a comedy, somebody refers to her character as a \u201cpod person\u201d. I think it\u2019s an accurate assessment of both the \u201cactress\u201d (a term I use VERY loosely!) and the vacuous character she plays.<\/p>\n

\u00a0As for The Hottie & the Nottie<\/strong>, it\u2019s just plain awful. I only watched it because my old sixth grade teacher suggested it. Actually, it was more like he dared me to watch it. My decision to take that dare is something I\u2019ll regret for the rest of my natural life. It\u2019s crass, obnoxious, nauseating, tasteless, vulgar, grotesque, mean-spirited, idiotic, ineptly made, tacky, crude and offensive. What it\u2019s not is funny, not at any time and not for even a nanosecond. It\u2019s one of those \u201ccomedies\u201d that will have you reaching for a barf bag. To this day, I still can\u2019t believe The Hottie & the Nottie played in respectable theaters. However, I find it easy to believe they all dumped it after a week.<\/p>\n

Ms. Hilton plays Cristabel, the dream girl of one Nate Cooper (Moore, Grandma\u2019s Boy) who\u2019s had a crush on her since the first grade. He\u2019s no dream guy. He\u2019s the kind of guy whose ex-girlfriend spray paints \u201closer\u201d on his car. It\u2019s this break-up that prompts good old Nate to track down Cristabel in L.A. Okay, that\u2019s not too creepy. Wait a minute, yes it is! He\u2019s creepy too. When he finds her, he learns she\u2019s sworn off dating and sex until her best friend June (Lakin, Step by Step) finds somebody. So what\u2019s the problem? June is hideously ugly. She’s all body hair, moles and rotten teeth not to mention a really gnarly toenail. Finding this girl a date might require a trip to a school for the blind and even that\u2019s no guarantee. Ugly can be felt as well as seen.<\/p>\n

\u00a0Nate agrees to find June a boyfriend so he can get with Cristabel. What follows is an unfunny series of gags involving guys recoiling at June’s looks and Nate’s embarrassment as he tries to set her up with a dentist (Urb, Resident Evil: Retribution) who sees her inner beauty. It’s not important how he found him; it’s too stupid to even merit an explanation. As Nate tries to get closer to Cristabel, something unexpected (to anyone who\u2019s never seen or heard of rom-coms) starts to happen.<\/p>\n

\u00a0That\u2019s right, The Hottie & The Nottie<\/strong> is also an “ugly duckling” transformation story. We all know that June will transform into a hot babe before the end of the movie. We also know who will hook up with whom by the end. There are no surprises here, none at all. That is, except for the fact that studio execs actually allowed it to be released. Like I already said, it\u2019s not funny. Instead, it\u2019s gross and I\u2019m not talking funny-gross like Pink Flamingos. It\u2019s just gross! While I sat there not laughing, a couple of things crossed my mind:<\/p>\n

-Nate doesn’t appear to have any kind of job, so how can he afford to pursue Cristabel and find a guy for June? At one point, he gives them a $2000 gift certificate for a day spa. Where did he get the money? Did he sell blood? A kidney? His sperm?<\/p>\n

-June attends a costume party dressed as Audrey Hepburn’s character from Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Given the movie’s story arc, wouldn’t it have been more appropriate for her to dress as Hepburn’s character from My Fair Lady?<\/p>\n

\u00a0When I wasn\u2019t pondering these burning questions, I was taking note of the horrible dialogue the actors are forced to recite. I think Paris got the two worst lines in the movie. I will now quote them, no need to worry about the context in which they were used. First one, “I think that a life without orgasms is like a world without flowers”. Later on, she says to June “Some people think our bodies are like an Earth suit, a vessel that carries our soul until you pass on from this planet into the next dimension.” C’mon, who says stuff like this? Moreover, who writes stuff like this? Eh, it\u2019s all academic anyway. There\u2019s no way Cristabel (or Paris, for that matter) is intelligent enough to have such deep thoughts much less put them so eloquently.<\/p>\n

\u00a0The only funny thing related to The Hottie & the Nottie<\/strong> is Paris thinking she\u2019s a good enough actress to star in her own picture. Where did she get the idea she could act? I guess being executive producer allows you certain indulgences. Everybody involved indulged her on this one. She delivers every line in a robotic monotone wearing an empty-headed smile the entire time. If you look at her long enough, you can almost see the neon VACANCY sign flashing directly above her head. Referring to her as an actress is an insult to the profession and everybody in it.<\/p>\n

\u00a0Just as bad is Moore, a romantic lead we can all root against. He speaks in a whiny, nasally tone that makes you want to smack him across the back of his head as hard as you can. If you want to know what he looks like, just look up \u201cannoying\u201d in the dictionary. There\u2019s probably a picture of him right there. As for Lakin, I can only say she\u2019s the least of the evils since her role merely requires her to be humiliated at every turn. I don\u2019t know what she got paid to be in this rotten movie, but it wasn\u2019t enough. No amount of money can compensate for the level of humiliation that comes with appearing in a movie as rotten as this.<\/p>\n

\u00a0If nothing else, The Hottie & the Nottie<\/strong> is consistent in its badness. It\u2019s always painful to watch. Take the scene where Nate, in a feeble attempt to impress Cristabel, weaves an incredible lie about being a stunt pilot who takes underprivileged kids for plane rides. Don\u2019t ask, you don’t want to know. There are many to blame for this fiasco starting with Paris herself. Her vanity project is an exercise in self-indulgence, self-centeredness and bad taste. The screenplay by Heidi Ferrer is completely bereft of humor and original ideas. It\u2019s as stale as two-day-old bread. It\u2019s directed by documentary filmmaker Tom Putnam who wisely hasn\u2019t made another comedy since. He has no sense of comic timing. The \u201cjokes\u201d don\u2019t just fall flat; they crash right through the floor.<\/p>\n

\u00a0To be fair, I\u2019ve seen comedies worse than The Hottie & the Nottie<\/strong>. Okay, there\u2019s only one, It\u2019s Pat: The Movie, and only by a hair. Mr. Hyperbole would like to chime in and say it makes Corky Romano and The Animal look like comic masterpieces. It achieves a subterranean level of badness that can only be measured by a seismograph. It\u2019s not only embarrassing for all involved; it\u2019s embarrassing for the viewers too. It turned out worse than anybody could have imagined. I\u2019m actually surprised some coalition of unattractive people didn\u2019t call for a boycott. Then again, maybe they realized the best way to hurt The Hottie & the Nottie<\/strong> would be to not call attention to it at all. Why dignify it by condemning it? This movie is completely and utterly worthless on every level known to man, woman, child, dog, cat, bird, fish, platypus, amoeba, etc.\"\"<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The Hottie & the Nottie (2008)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Regent\/Comedy\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 RT: 87 minutes\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Rated PG-13 (crude\/gross humor, sexual content, drinking)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Director: Tom Putnam\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Screenplay: Heidi Ferrer\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Music: David E. Russo\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Cinematography: Alex Vendler\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Release date: February 8, 2008 (US)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Cast: Paris Hilton, Joel David Moore, Christine Lakin, Johann Urb, Adam Kulbersh, The Greg Wilson, Marianne Muellerleile, Kathryn Fiore, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":5439,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4187","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-this-sucks-so-bad"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/09\/The-Hottie-the-Nottie-PIC.jpg?fit=620%2C348&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4187","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4187"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4187\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5440,"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4187\/revisions\/5440"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5439"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4187"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4187"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4187"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}