{"id":7702,"date":"2024-10-30T23:20:41","date_gmt":"2024-10-31T03:20:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/?p=7702"},"modified":"2024-10-30T23:20:41","modified_gmt":"2024-10-31T03:20:41","slug":"spasms","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/2024\/10\/30\/spasms\/","title":{"rendered":"Spasms"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"Spasms<\/strong> (1983)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Producers Distributing\/Horror\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 RT: 90 minutes\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Rated R (violence, language, nudity)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Director: William Fruet\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Screenplay: Don Enright and William Fruet\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Music: Eric Robertson\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Cinematography: Mark Irwin\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Release date: May 11, 1984 (US)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Cast: Peter Fonda, Oliver Reed, Kerrie Keane, Al Waxman, Marilyn Lightstone, Angus MacInnes, Miguel Fernandes, Gerard Parkes, William Needles, George Bloomfield, Laurie Brown, Julie Khaner, Harvey Chao, Patrick Brymer, Denis Simpson, Sandra Awalt, Al Maini.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Box Office: N\/A<\/p>\n

Rating<\/strong>: *<\/p>\n

\u00a0I experienced periodic brain spasms throughout Spasms<\/strong> brought on by sheer boredom. I didn\u2019t even think this was medically possible. Perhaps I erred in not following Brotman\u2019s Law, the rule that categorically states that if nothing has happened by the end of the first reel, nothing is going to happen. Maybe I should have just cut my losses and turned it off. It\u2019s a full 45 minutes before anything even remotely interesting happens. It\u2019s another 15 until the movie\u2019s only good scene. Then it\u2019s another 30 minutes until it\u2019s finally over. You know something\u2019s gone horribly wrong when even the end theme by Tangerine Dream sucks.<\/p>\n

\u00a0By all means, Spasms<\/strong> should have been fun. The Canadian horror movie about a large deadly snake, directed by William Fruet (Funeral Home), boasts a killer cast that includes Peter Fonda (Race with the Devil), Oliver Reed (Venom), Kerrie Keane (The Incubus) and Al Waxman (Class of 1984). The idea of Reed\u2019s character being psychically linked to the reptile is wonderfully silly. There\u2019s fun to be had with the subplot about the satanic cult. There\u2019s a lot of unrealized potential here. It could have been a great B-movie. It\u2019s undone by its plodding pace and flat direction.<\/p>\n

\u00a0Things start off slow with an extended sequence of island natives in full ceremonial gear chanting and jumping, tying to summon \u201cthe devil\u201d- i.e. the snake. It goes on for several minutes. A poacher is waiting nearby to capture the snake and take it to Kincaid (Reed), the rich wacko who claims to have a psychic connection to it as a result of being bitten during a hunting trip to the island off the coast of New Guinea with his brother who wasn\u2019t so lucky. The highly toxic venom killed his sibling while giving him the ability to sense what the serpent senses. When it kills, he can feel it. He hires psychiatrist\/ESP researcher Dr. Brasilian (Fonda) to help him gain a better understanding of the link in exchange for funding all his future research.<\/p>\n

\u00a0Meanwhile, sleazy ex-CIA guy Crowley (Waxman) makes arrangements for the snake to fall into the wrong hands, the aforementioned cult. They see it as their god. When Crowley fails to acquire it, the cult leader sends one of his guys (MacInnes, Strange Brew) to help him steal it from the college laboratory where Kincaid had it sent. How can that possibly go wrong? Oh yeah, they\u2019re both idiots. They screw up royally and set it free. That\u2019s the \u201cremotely interesting\u201d thing that happens at the 45 minute mark.<\/p>\n

\u00a0To save you the time and effort of watching Spasms<\/strong>, a venture I strongly advise against anyway, I will tell you about the one and only good scene. The snake slithers its way into a house occupied by three girls, one of whom is taking a shower (BOOBIES!). It attacks. One girl gets thrown around like a rag doll before hitting the shower door while the girl inside screams her head off. It\u2019s the only time Spasms<\/strong> really comes to life. Other than Kincaid having visions of this episode a few scenes later, the movie drags and limps to its predictable conclusion, one made worse by the makers running out of money before it was shot. However, it\u2019s the only time we get more than a momentary glimpse of the snake so the end isn\u2019t a total loss.<\/p>\n

\u00a0I knew exactly what Spasms<\/strong> was when I sat down to watch. It\u2019s Canuxploitation and one of the many animal attack flicks that followed in the wake of Jaws. I wasn\u2019t expecting the Citizen Kane of deadly snake movies. If there is such a picture, it would have to be 1997\u2019s Anaconda but that\u2019s another review for another time. All I wanted from Spasms<\/strong> was a good time and it doesn\u2019t deliver one on any level. The closest it gets to being campy is Reed\u2019s hammy performance, one that can be partially attributed to his alcoholism. Unfortunately, even he can\u2019t help Spasms<\/strong> rise to the level of low camp. He, like the other major cast members, is wasted in this dull cheapie.<\/p>\n

\u00a0Fonda is given little to do as Brasilian. I\u2019m pretty sure he took the role just to keep himself out there until something better- e.g. Ulee\u2019s Gold- came along. Keane plays Kincaid\u2019s niece Suzanne who\u2019s convinced her uncle is delusional. There\u2019s no way he can be telepathically linked to a reptile, right? Wrong! She too is underused. The same goes for Waxman, an otherwise terrific character actor known to Americans mainly for his role on the cop show Cagney & Lacey.<\/p>\n

\u00a0The poor lighting is an obvious attempt to hide the crummy special effects. The ending disappoints because it fails to address the link between Kincaid and the snake settling instead for a quickie showdown that doesn\u2019t answer any questions. A lot of people blame the many failings of Spasms<\/strong> on lack of funds. I say the substandard screenplay shares the blame. There\u2019s virtually no character development or insight. Fruet\u2019s clear lack of enthusiasm for the material, which shows in the movie\u2019s seeming unawareness of its far-fetched premise, certainly doesn\u2019t help. It\u2019s simply a bore.<\/p>\n

\u00a0I\u2019m not going to beat myself up over my decision to include Spasms<\/strong> in my weekly grindhouse package. I made a conscious choice to watch it after years of passing it by at my usual video store haunts. I should have kept on passing by.\"\"<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Spasms (1983)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Producers Distributing\/Horror\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 RT: 90 minutes\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Rated R (violence, language, nudity)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Director: William Fruet\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Screenplay: Don Enright and William Fruet\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Music: Eric Robertson\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Cinematography: Mark Irwin\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Release date: May 11, 1984 (US)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Cast: Peter Fonda, Oliver Reed, Kerrie Keane, Al Waxman, Marilyn Lightstone, Angus MacInnes, Miguel Fernandes, Gerard Parkes, William Needles, George Bloomfield, Laurie […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":7894,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[27,25,7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7702","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-b-movies","category-horror","category-this-sucks-so-bad"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/Spasms-PIC.jpg?fit=620%2C348&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7702","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7702"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7702\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7896,"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7702\/revisions\/7896"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7894"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7702"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7702"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7702"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}