{"id":7966,"date":"2024-11-02T20:21:04","date_gmt":"2024-11-03T00:21:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/?p=7966"},"modified":"2024-11-02T20:21:04","modified_gmt":"2024-11-03T00:21:04","slug":"pinocchio","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/2024\/11\/02\/pinocchio\/","title":{"rendered":"Pinocchio"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"Pinocchio <\/strong>(2022)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Disney\/Fantasy-Adventure-Comedy\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 RT: 111 minutes\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Rated PG (peril\/scary moments, rude material, some language)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Director: Robert Zemeckis\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Screenplay: Robert Zemeckis and Chris Weitz\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Music: Alan Silvestri\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Cinematography: Don Burgess\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Release date: September 8, 2022 (US, Disney+)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Cast: Tom Hanks, Benjamin Evan Ainsworth, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Cynthia Erivo, Keegan-Michael Key, Lorraine Bracco, Kyanne Lamaya, Jaquita Ta\u2019le, Giuseppe Battiston, Luke Evans, Lewin Lloyd.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Box Office: N\/A (straight to Disney+)<\/p>\n

Rating<\/strong>: *<\/p>\n

\u00a0The key to understanding how wrong-headed Robert Zemeckis\u2019 live-action remake of Pinocchio<\/strong> occurs early on when the titular puppet, for no good reason, starts sniffing around a pile of poop in the street. Is this how low we\u2019ve sunk? It\u2019s not enough Disney allowed Zemeckis to trash one of their beloved animated classics. They also feel compelled to add potty humor in order to keep the kiddies amused. I\u2019m not against that type of humor; I just think it has a place and Pinocchio<\/strong> definitely isn\u2019t it. Furthermore, it shows a lack of reverence for the original film, one that has delighted generations of kids of all ages.<\/p>\n

Before my own nose grows, I\u2019d better clarify something I said earlier. Although it\u2019s being called \u201ca live-action remake\u201d, Pinocchio<\/strong> is actually a blend of live-action and CGI. In fact, it\u2019s mostly CGI. I suppose a movie featuring a wooden puppet come to life, a talking cricket and a giant sea monster would have to be. To be fair, the effects are pretty decent, but pale in comparison to the ones in Zemeckis\u2019 earlier films. How can we ever forget his seamless blend of live actors and animated characters in the 1988 blockbuster Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Or how he inserted Tom Hanks into actual historical footage in Forrest Gump? Or the motion-capture technology he used to bring The Polar Express to life? He\u2019s a true innovator. You wouldn\u2019t know it by watching Pinocchio<\/strong>. The effects aren\u2019t really all that special, but that\u2019s the least of its many problems.<\/p>\n

\u00a0Zemeckis, who co-wrote the screenplay with Chris Weitz (Cinderella), sticks somewhat close to the story told to much better effect 82 years ago (yes, it\u2019s really been that long!). Lonely woodcarver Geppetto (Hanks) makes a puppet, modeled after his own dead son, that magically comes to life after he wishes on a star. The Blue Fairy (Erivo, Harriet) appears and explains to Pinocchio (Ainsworth, The Haunting of Bly Manor) that he can become a real boy if he\u2019s \u201cbrave, truthful and selfless\u201d. She then appoints Jiminy Cricket (Levitt, The Dark Knight Rises) his conscience, the little voice that tells him right from wrong. When Geppetto wakes up and sees what happened, he\u2019s overjoyed.<\/p>\n

\u00a0Although only a few days old, Geppetto decides it\u2019s time for his \u201cboy\u201d to attend school. That\u2019s where Pinocchio\u2019s troubles begin. He\u2019s lured away by foxy con artist Honest John (Key, The Lion King) who convinces him that becoming famous will make his \u201cfather\u201d proud. The fox proceeds to sell him to evil showman Stromboli (Italian actor Battiston) who locks him in a bird cage after a successful debut performance. Jiminy helps him escape, but the puppet is soon swooped up by Coachman (Evans of the Fast & Furious movies) to join a bunch of rowdy kids on a trip to hedonistic Pleasure Island where there are no rules. While all this is going on, Geppetto goes looking for his missing son.<\/p>\n

\u00a0I realize the preceding paragraphs are hardly necessary as everybody knows the story of Pinocchio<\/strong>. Obviously, the writers have made a few changes in an attempt to modernize and extend. New characters, like disabled dancer Fabiana (Lamaya, The Dumping Ground), have been added. Things that weren\u2019t in the original have also been added. This includes numerous pop culture references and in-jokes. Take a close look as Geppetto\u2019s cuckoo clock collection. You\u2019ll see what I mean.<\/p>\n

\u00a0By way of making it kid-safe, Pinocchio no longer indulges in beer and cigars on Pleasure Island. Now it\u2019s root beer, candy and mean social media posts. It\u2019s annoying, but nothing compared to what they\u2019ve done to the nose-growing scene. In the original, it taught young viewers about the dangers of telling lies. Here, it\u2019s simply a device to move the plot along. WHY? Then there\u2019s the ending. I won\u2019t go into specifics, but it eliminates the point of the story altogether.<\/p>\n

\u00a0Pinocchio<\/strong>, like the other live-action remakes churned out by Disney, is little more than a cash grab. It\u2019s no longer profitable to re-release their animated classics every six or seven years now that they\u2019re all available on various formats- e.g. video, DVD and streaming on Disney+. In a move clearly motivated by greed, studio heads decided to reimagine them as live-action movies. Some have been better than others, but all are equally unnecessary. Pinocchio<\/strong> is easily the worst of the lot. It is a soulless exercise as wooden as its main character. It\u2019s also unusually dark for an alleged kid\u2019s movie. The sequence on Pleasure Island is the worst of all. Those apparition-like beings are guaranteed to give the little ones nightmares for weeks. Think thrice before ordering this one for family movie night.<\/p>\n

\u00a0There are a few little bright spots in this Pinocchio<\/strong>. Hanks is likable enough as Geppetto. He\u2019s very much a modern-day Jimmy Stewart. Erivo, in her one and only scene, stands out as The Blue Fairy. She has a beautiful singing voice. The set design is pretty good too. That\u2019s about it. The rest of Pinocchio<\/strong> is garbage. It\u2019s lifeless, heartless and devoid of emotion. It\u2019s a lumbering vehicle that runs on cynicism and avarice. It\u2019s a horrible waste of every resource imaginable. The saddest thing of all is that it would have made money if Disney released it to theaters. Like any showman worth his weight in BS, they know there\u2019s a sucker born every minute.\"\"<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Pinocchio (2022)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Disney\/Fantasy-Adventure-Comedy\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 RT: 111 minutes\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Rated PG (peril\/scary moments, rude material, some language)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Director: Robert Zemeckis\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Screenplay: Robert Zemeckis and Chris Weitz\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Music: Alan Silvestri\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Cinematography: Don Burgess\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Release date: September 8, 2022 (US, Disney+)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Cast: Tom Hanks, Benjamin Evan Ainsworth, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Cynthia Erivo, Keegan-Michael Key, Lorraine Bracco, Kyanne Lamaya, Jaquita Ta\u2019le, Giuseppe […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":8065,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20,7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7966","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-sci-fi-fantasy","category-this-sucks-so-bad"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/Pinocchio-PIC.jpg?fit=620%2C348&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7966","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7966"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7966\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8067,"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7966\/revisions\/8067"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/8065"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7966"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7966"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/movieguy247.com\/MovieGuy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7966"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}